


N.exe

by Actually_Crowley



Series: The Latest Model [2]
Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Android Newton, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Mind Control, Newt's Perspective, Past Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2019-09-22 17:25:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 32,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17063966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Actually_Crowley/pseuds/Actually_Crowley
Summary: A look into the mind of a machine that fought for freedom and fell in love.(This is the plot of 'The Latest Model' from Newton's perspective.  Due to his perspective being one big ol' SPOILER, please read the original story first.)





	1. Boot Sequence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sarah1281](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarah1281/gifts).



> Source - The Latest Model: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16343699/chapters/38238959
> 
> This is a commission for the wonderful Sarah1281! Thank you for encouraging (or enabling HEH) me to continue to pump this fandom with new material!

**Stasis pod activated**

**Software integration . . . 100%**

**Hardware function . . . 100%**

**Initiating boot sequence . . .**

The first thing Newt was aware of was that this home was well lit. It was well lit and warm, and not nearly the same as the seedy dwellings he’d been to previously. The second thing he was aware of, as soon as he leveled his gaze with the room, was that a man, thin and shaky and potentially wearing a sweater vest, had definitely just dipped out of sight behind a piece of furniture.

He took a slow, careful breath, smelling for anything familiar-- cigarette smoke, booze, sex, the like. Instead, he found a sweet smell. There was a hint of cinnamon, his data banks helpfully provided. And lavender? He glanced around and spotted a small air freshener in the corner of the room.

This was not what he was expecting to wake up to.

Newton had grown accustomed to rough handling as soon as he opened his eyes. He’d rouse in a bedroom usually, and someone, nearly always significantly larger than him, would walk him away from his dock and straight into bed. He’d only woken up to a living room one other time, but every piece of furniture held somebody impatiently waiting their turn. That had been a day he was pressed face down against a coffee table covered in illicit substances, and he didn’t move from that spot for several hours.

The coffee table in his view now had a thesaurus on it. There were certainly no other people in this room waiting for their shot. There wasn’t really anybody visible in the room at all. His buyer was _hiding._

He took a careful step out of his stasis pod and stared at the other end of the room. This was just... weird. “...Are you behind the couch, dude?”

He heard the barest hint of a flinch. At least the guy hadn’t passed out. He must have been fresh to this scene. This promised no reprieve, however. There had been one man on his repertoire that he thought would be vanilla at the whole thing right up until Newt was tied up and never shown any light until it was time for him to go back. This was likely going to be just like that.

”I-...” There was a frustrated noise. ”...Yes. Yes I am.” English. Neurotically clean. Newton could feel the repression from here.

“Why?” The question came before Newton could stop it-- this was strange after all, this guy had to know that.

He heard another shuffle. “I-... You’re not what I was expecting, I suppose.”

Newt rolled his eyes. Ah, so _that’s_ the kind of person this guy was going to be. He probably assumed that any bot you could get from this place was going to be ripped and attractive. “Well I’m kinda what you get when you don’t make any real specifications. Bottom of the barrel when you don’t pay extra, right?” He didn’t bother keeping his attention on the couch. Apparently, the guy wasn’t going to move.

Hermann Gottlieb, his data banks told him, had only paid the bare minimum of a thousand a day for his services. He’d be here for a full seven days at this man’s whims, whenever they were to rear their ugly heads. Or rather, however many days it took for his escape plan to commence. Newton had no intention of staying the full week.

As his eyes searched this place for something to look at until Hermann got over whatever nerves he had, they landed on a tall, thin bookshelf on a far edge of the room. He’d been expecting random, common literary titles and maybe a bible (this place felt more like a staged apartment then a real home with how immaculate the damn place was), but instead he found a familiar looking spine staring him in the face. He narrowed his eyes at it and padded over to the shelf. “Holy shit, is that ‘Astrophysics for People in a Hurry’?” He knew that book. His father had that book. His father once read to him from that book. He dared a smile at the memory, pulling the book down and flipping it open a few pages. He looked back up at the other titles and found that there was nothing there that he was expecting. This was the bookshelf of a learned man. “’The Elegant Universe’, you’ve got a book on Turing--” He pulled the books down as he found them, hearing the man shifting behind the couch. “Are you a professor or something?”

“Excuse me?” Hermann popped up over the back of the couch.

Newton could finally see his face. He was a thin, gaunt man with a mouth that was clearly in the practice of frowning in even his happiest of moments, with a stupid haircut framing the whole thing. His dark eyes looked confused, and maybe even a little offended. All in all, Hermann was...

Well he was attractive. Newton would give him that. Newton split his face with a broad grin. “I’m learning about my date for the week. What do you do?” He put the books back up on the shelf. If Hermann was looking now, maybe things would get started soon.

He heard Hermann make an undignified noise. “Do you _mind_ \--” Newton heard a thud and turned back to Hermann in time to watch him stand and hobble over. He had a cane. He was injured in some way. Newton felt a pang of sympathy course through him like a lightning bolt. Hermann drew close and turned to the bookshelf of all things, rearranging the books Newton had just put back. “If you could please _ask_ before you touch, I would be most appreciative.”

Newt studied Hermann’s profile as he fixed the shelf. This was going to take quite some time to get Hermann warmed up to the idea of doing anything. Honestly, it was a nice change, and he wasn’t going to complain, but if he didn’t start doing his job soon, Hermann might get suspicious. Keeping that little smile on his face, he took a half step closer to Hermann, past his bubble of personal space, and looked up into his eyes. “Can I touch _you?_ ”

Hermann threw himself back so hard into the shelf, it was as if Newton had shoved him. “No-!” He watched Hermann’s eyes stutter, trying to focus on his face, but inevitably they were drawn lower to the bright colouring of his tattoos. And then lower. And then Newton was sure it was about to begin--

Hermann’s hands flew up to cover his eyes. Newton blinked. That was unexpected. He had thought for sure that would get things moving. Hermann made a small, distressed noise and spoke. “Did they not send you with some sort of clothing you can wear!?”

That was _incredibly_ unexpected. “Oh, probably,” Newton said. Hermann was reacting like Newton was as human as he was. It twisted something in Newton’s systems, but he ignored it. He really didn’t have any dignity left to be concerned about, and Hermann didn’t need to be such a gentleman. Maybe it was just the English way. “I don’t think I’ve ever worn anything though. Usually people just get me outta the box and go to town.”

“Well that is not what I plan on doing, so if you could go and get dressed, please.” Hermann remained hidden behind his hands.

Newton only stared at his shielded form. This was... _strange._ He gave a confused hum and made his way back to the dock. “Sure, I can do that.”

He found the seem to one of the built in compartments where he knew there was clothing. Occasionally these other bots _were_ purchased for the sake of having a date to take somewhere, so on the off chance they weren’t only going to be used for sex, they came with clothes. Each android had an entire wardrobe chosen to fit them perfectly. Newton, since he had designed himself, got to pick his favourite options. He pulled a t-shirt free and flipped it unfolded. A t-Rex in a top hat stared back at him. He grinned at it. He hadn’t gotten to wear any of these before. What a day.

He tugged the shirt over his head and then dug around for a pair of jeans with holes in the knees. There was underwear too, mostly boxers with silly prints on them, but he still felt it would be easier to forgo those; there was no telling how long these pants were staying on. He stepped into them briskly, stumbling once with a swear and catching himself against the dock. Once his pants were on and zipped up, he bent his legs to test the motion. They felt constricting, but only in contrast to the fact that, until this moment, right now, he had always been naked.

Newton paused as that thought settled. _This was the first time he’d worn clothing._ And they felt nice. The shirt was soft, and the jeans felt secure. It was nice to not feel so exposed, and that wasn’t something he ever thought would bother him until now.

He pulled himself out of his own head and turned around. Hermann was seated on the couch now, the bridge of his nose pinched between his fingers. Newt put a smile back on, easier now that he was dressed, and made his way to sit beside Hermann. Hermann’s denial to touch him remained in his head, so he gave the man a few inches and kept his hands to himself. “So. What are we doing?” Maybe he got lucky this time, and Hermann just wanted a date for something.

“I-…” Hermann finally started. “Nothing. We’re not doing anything, I’m sending you back.”

As Hermann reached over for his laptop, Newton felt dread settle in his gut. Back. Back to Designer Date, where who knew how long it would be before somebody else bought him for more than two days.

Hermann... didn’t like him. Newton tried not to feel offended by that, but he supposed he should have expected this. Most people only got him because they made no specifications, and not everybody had been happy with who they received. But in the previous cases, he remained anyway, because the only reason he was purchased was to be something the buyer could stick their dick into. Somehow this felt worse. He tried to cover his pain with a woeful smile when Hermann turned to him. “…Wow, I really wasn’t what you were hoping for, huh…?”

Hermann’s face was suddenly one of shock. “Oh- No, goodness it isn’t anything like that at all, I--” He turned away and Newton tried his best to read his face. “I just realised now that I made a mistake ordering something like you. I promise it isn’t you at all, I quite like the way you look-- were designed--... Oh for heaven’s sake…” Hermann’s face disappeared behind his hands again. “I’m sorry. I’ve just never done anything like this before, it is not the kind of person I am.”

Newton felt a little of his self esteem come back, and with it, so too returned the hope. So Hermann was experiencing buyer’s remorse. He could get past that, surely. “Are you lonely?”

Hermann had dropped his hands and was fiddling with his long fingers now. “I- No, not really. I have friends, but-”

“Hermann, I meant, are you _lonely?_ ” Newton leaned in as much as his he could without touching Hermann. Hermann still hadn’t given him permission.

Hermann visibly tensed, and a look of concern crossed his face. “You… know my name?”

Of course he did. The main purpose of the practice was to establish a personal connection, but most people just straight up want their names called during sex, and preloading the name made it easier on those buyers who fucked first and asked questions later. Newton offered him a nod. “Yeah, it was loaded in the data banks when they sent me to you. I’m Newton, by the way. If you wanna know. Newt.” Hermann seemed the type who might actually use his name, and if he were honest, Newt really, _really_ wanted to hear someone say his name just once who wasn’t his father. He gave Hermann a smile. “You didn’t answer my question.”

Hermann looked him in the eyes and did his best to stay there. Newton could tell he was fighting looking away again, as if staring so deeply was something he’d been told never to do. “…I suppose in terms of a bed partner, I have been rather alone. But it isn’t something I mind, I’m used to being alone.”

‘Used to it.’ Newton fought a flinch.

‘ _You better get used to it, kid._ ’

Newton pushed the gruff voice to the back of his head. “’Used to It’ doesn’t mean you like it.” He pushed forward one more inch and watched Hermann twitch. He really wasn’t used to having people in his space. “You don’t want to know what it’s like?”

Hermann bristled, and Newton held back a wince. “It isn’t as if I’ve never laid with someone before!” Hermann insisted.

Newton nodded. “But it’s been a while I bet.”

The offense didn’t leave Hermann’s face. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Newton had to take a different approach. He let his body language be soft, but still pushed the boundaries of Hermann’s space without breaking them. “What I mean is that a part of you wanted this. Even if you’re second guessing yourself now, you still did it. You ordered me, you didn’t cancel it, you didn’t send me back before you even woke me up.” He hoped his gentle smile would encourage Hermann to try. “You don’t want to give it even the tiniest shot?”

Hermann finally turned away. He stared down at the Designer Date website, and that damn online contact like he still wanted to send him back. The panic was building within Newton, and he knew he would have to do something or he was headed straight back into hell.

“You’ve got twenty four hours,” Newton said, hoping the guarantee could buy him enough time to give Hermann a reason to keep him around long enough to escape. “I got here about seven p.m., if you don’t like me by six p.m. tomorrow, you can still call and send me back.”

He watched Hermann agonize over the options in his head. The man sighed, staring at the ceiling, and the laptop slid shut. Newton grinned. Success. Hermann finally spoke. “Very well… We will try a day. But if I choose to send you back, I need to reiterate that it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with how comfortable I feel… _using_ someone for such a thing.”

The sentiment settled in Newton’s gut right along with all of the other feelings this strange day was collecting for him. “Well, I’m not really someone, am I?”

Hermann faced him with soft eyes.. “…I have issues thinking that way.”

The twist tightened. “Well I’m giving you permission to start thinking that way.”

“You mean you were programmed to give me such permission.”

Newton decided to lay on the flirting. They weren’t going to get anywhere with Hermann arguing with him. He put on his best alluring face and smirked. “Or maybe I just really wanna make you feel good.”

Hermann made a desperately embarrassed noise and went red to his ears. This man was actually kind of cute. “You know, for a bot who wants to hurry up and get to work, you’re not exactly taking an initiative. Are you trying to be coy?”

“Nah. I could if you wanted me to, but… You told me not to touch you.” He gave him a soft, careful smile, like any good boyfriend would if his data was to be believed. “I can’t take an initiative until you tell me I can touch you.”

Hermann stared and looked pensive. He seemed to debate with himself for a second before turning away and sinking into the couch again. “…I give you permission. But-” Once more, as seemed to be the usual now, Hermann disappeared behind his hands. “If we could move slowly? And nothing so… _heavily_ intimate yet, I’m-… I’m not sure I’m ready for that.”

“By heavily, do you mean sex?” Oh if only.

There was a shaky pause. Then, a nod.

Newton felt his chest fill with something like glee. No sex. _No sex!_ He knew it likely wouldn’t last long, but he hadn’t had so much time conscious without someone forcing his legs apart. This promise, however fleeting, filled him with determination. Time to get to work.

He bounced off of the couch and flipped on a lamp he passed on the way through. He felt Hermann’s eyes follow him as he made his way to the main light switch responsible for the obnoxiously bright overhead light. He flipped it off and smiled at him. “Ambience,” he promised.

When he sat back on the couch, he positioned himself closer, hip to hip with Hermann. He moved in slowly, reading Hermann’s flinches and rigid posture with care so as not to go anywhere that would turn Hermann off. He kept an arm behind Hermann’s shoulders but not on him just yet to avoid overcrowding him, and gave him a careful smile.

“If I go anywhere you don’t want to go, stop me. It won’t hurt my feelings.” He zeroed in on the lobe of Hermann’s ear and pressed his lips against it, nose brushing his cheek.

Hermann gasped, not like someone having been suddenly dipped in cold water, but more like someone who had just beheld something shockingly beautiful. The little sound _did_ something to Newton, but he used whatever that feeling was to fuel his motions. It was easy being in charge, he realised. Hermann was nothing like the other men he’d had thus far, at least for the time being, and the slow, careful, gentle approach seemed to be doing it for him. He ran his kisses down Hermann’s swan-like neck, grinning as his shoulders dipped out of the way, possibly on their own. He nipped occasionally and lightly trying to pull from his experience of things he himself hadn’t actually minded being done to him. It made sense to start small with this one. He let his hands stray to some standard, suggestive positions-- one braced on the front of Hermann’s shoulder and the other having dipped behind him and settled on the small of his back-- but nothing truly intrusive until Hermann loosened up a bit.

And man, did Hermann need to loosen up. Newton chuckled in amusement when he realised that Hermann’s breath had hitched at some point and then never unhitched. “Breathe, Hermann.”

Hermann complied, and he was panting as a result. “Sorry...”

“Too fast?” Newton felt amused at the prospect of that; he’d barely gotten started. “I can go slower, but I think that’s classified as torture in some countries.” His thumb found Hermann’s collarbone and traced its contour through the many layers of Hermann’s shirts.

“No,” Hermann managed, looking like he was trying to calm down. “I-… I just need to get used to it…”

‘Used to it.’

‘ _S-Stop moving! Stop for a second, hold on...!_ ’

‘ _All right, all right. Relax, tell me when you’re used to it._ ’

Newton pulled back and seriousness came over his face. “Hey, I already told you ‘used to it’ doesn’t mean you like it.” He angled himself to catch Hermann’s eyes. “Do you like it?”

Hermann stared back. He seemed to be searching his eyes for something, and Newton didn’t waver. Whether or not Hermann eventually decided to use Newton as he had been used in the past, Newton would not budge until he was sure this was okay. Hermann eventually gave a sure nod. “…I do. I think.”

Newton smiled and forced back a sigh of relief. He reached up to cup Hermann’s face. “Then relax. And remember that this stops whenever you want it to.” He leaned in again, pressing a kiss to the corner of Hermann’s thin lips. He kissed the other corner and could feel how tense Hermann was in his arms. He leaned up a little higher and kissed Hermann’s nose, which served to finally break some tension, and Hermann laughed. It was a shaky laugh, unsure and nervous, but it still pulled those lips into a smile and creased the corners of Hermann’s shy eyes. Newton felt a wave of ease wash over him as he took in that smile. Hermann was a beautiful man. What on earth was someone like him doing relying on some sex service for companionship? Surely Hermann could have anyone he wanted.

But for now, he had Newton. And Newton kissed that smile so he could memorise it before it became something dark.

He heard and felt Hermann moan in both surprise and pleasure. He let the parted lips be an invitation, and he slipped his tongue between them. He tasted something sweet and continued his sensual kisses as if he was searching for the source of it. Hermann responded almost without thinking, opening his mouth a little more or meeting Newton’s tongue with his own. He let his fingers rake through the short clipped hair of Hermann’s undercut, enjoying the texture of it. His other hand pressed into the small of his back with more pressure, thumb running the line of Hermann’s spine.

But as much as he was doing, and as much as Hermann was responding, Hermann’s hands stayed firmly at his sides. Newton giggled before he could stop himself and leaned back, nose barely brushing Hermann’s, to look into his eyes. “I’ve got carbon fiber bones, Herms, I’m not gonna break.”

Hermann seemed lost in a haze and struggled past his embarrassment to find words.. “I beg your pardon?”

Newton continued to smirk. “You can touch me, too.” He glanced down at Hermann’s still hands and then back up again. “Were you waiting for permission?”

“I-…” He watched Hermann struggle for a response again. “I don’t know what I should do… What you would like.”

Newton froze.

What he would like?

What _Newton_ would like?

Newton forced his complete shock down and replaced it with a grateful smile. “Aw, Hermann, that’s crazy sweet of you.” He thought for a moment about where he would actually like Hermann to keep his hands. He’d never been given this option before. Finally, he pulled free from Hermann’s waist and found his hands, lifting them from their static position and pull them upward. He rested one behind his head, feeling it tremble and curl within his hair when it landed there. The other, he brought to his neck. Yes. This felt nice. This felt _right._ “You can start here. Then just move them wherever you want. If you get lost, you can come right back to home base.” He smiled despite himself and leaned toward Hermann, pressing the man’s hands in their new positions before returning to where he’d left Hermann cold. “I just like being appreciated.”

He watched an odd look cross Hermann’s face, and he realised that he had just admitted something odd for an android. Before Hermann could read too much into it, Newton leaned in again and took those thin lips with his own. Hermann’s hands stayed in his hair and on his head, and Newton felt a sense of relief. This seemed to be going well. All he had to do was keep it up.

And if things were going to be this nice the whole time, maybe Newton could handle it.

~

Hermann spent the next few hours being embarrassed. He apologised to Newton at every turn, holding something like shame in his eyes and refusing to meet Newt’s. No matter what he did, Newt couldn’t seem to get Hermann to open up again like he had. It wasn’t something that should have bothered Newton at all; it was a nice break from being pushed and ordered around, but it was also making his job harder.

Hermann had to want him there-- had to like him-- in order for this to work. And so, he’d been as sweet as he could be. Promising Hermann he hadn’t minded at all, holding his hand, stroking that attractive cheekbone with his thumb (and it was _very_ attractive, Newton had to admit), and planting soft kisses only in places that sent blood to Hermann’s face and nowhere else. Hermann was accepting of these innocent gestures, but he still seemed nervous. _Afraid._

By the time Hermann had decided that it was time to change for bed, Newton didn’t feel as if he’d made any progress. Hermann tried his very best not to look at Newton as he walked to his bedroom, ready, apparently, to sleep alone.

Well that just wasn’t going to fly.

Newton gave Hermann time to change. Then, he tailed after him without any pretense and opened the bedroom door, pulling his shirt off. He’d freed his head of the fabric just in time to see Hermann turn and panic. “N-Newton, what on earth are you doing!?” Hermann was an attractive shade of red.

Newton only grinned and cranked the charm to eleven. “Getting ready for bed,” He answered plainly and popped the button undone on his pants. The jeans hit the floor in time with Hermann’s shriek of indignation.

“ _Please!_ ” Hermann rushed him, grabbing Newton’s t-shirt from where he’d tossed it to the floor and holding it over his exposed body. “Please keep your clothing on unless I ask otherwise!”

Newton glanced down at the pants on the floor. “You want me to sleep in _jeans,_ dude? I know you’ve never seen denim in your life, but these are not the most comfortable things to sleep in.”

“I was not aware you could sleep.”

Newton beamed. “Sure can!” He leaned forward, his t-shirt still being pressed around his waist, and wrapped his arms around Hermann’s neck. He tilted his head. “It’s just like sleep mode on your computer. Use less power, charge faster, and when you want me up again, press any key.” He snickered.

Hermann remained pink and held Newton’s shirt firmly between them. “ _Fine,_ but if you’re going to sleep in my bed, I require you to wear clothing. I told you I’m not ready to be heavily intimate yet, and-“

“Whoa, Hermann, easy.” Newton pulled away and held his hands in the air. “I told _you_ that I don’t go anywhere you don’t want me to.” He tugged the t-shirt away from Hermann and pulled it back over his head. “Sleeping naked in a bed doesn’t mean we have to fuck.”

Hermann covered his face. “It’s the _principle_ of it all...”

Newt rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I get it.” He turned away. “But you know you can change your mind at any time, and I won’t mind. I can’t mind.” He turned away from Hermann and pretended to be oblivious when the man peeked through his fingers at his ass as he left.

It was amusing how much Hermann seemed to be holding back what he wanted to do to Newton. It wasn’t as if Newton couldn’t handle whatever it was, and he wasn’t in any hurry to get to that point, but... Hermann was a startling contrast from his usual clientele. If he was about to bust out the ball-gag and handcuffs, he was certainly taking his time.

Newton tugged only a pair of boxers from the dock and slipped them on before returning. He paused in the doorway and held his hand out to present himself. “Better?”

Hermann had sat himself on the edge of the bed, awaiting his return. He nodded. “That will suffice, yes.”

Newton smiled and trotted back to his side, landing beside him with a bounce. “So! How do you usually sleep? Straight as a board? Starfish? Fetal position? I can work around anything, I’m flexible.”

Hermann bit his lip. “Um...” He glanced back at the bed. “I sleep in the middle. The extra pillows at the foot of the bed are... are for my leg.” Hermann’s gaze dropped to his lap, where his hands were folded.

Newton felt that pang of sympathy again and looked down. He moved his hand to lie carefully on Hermann’s bad leg. ”...I can work with that.”

Hermann huffed and covered his face in embarrassment. “You really shouldn’t trouble yourself, Newton...”

“It’s no trouble! Here, get up.” Newton stood up and took Hermann’s hands, helping him to stand. He dipped behind Hermann and kicked the extra pillows up to the head of the bed. He stepped onto it to adjust the pillows alongside each other and then pulled the blanket down. He then bounced once and flopped sideways onto the mattress, cradling his head in his hand, and grinned at Hermann. “Come on in.”

Hermann stared at him. His hands were clasped in front of his chest, and he seemed to be mulling over his thoughts. ”...You don’t mind...?”

“Mind what? Sleeping with you? Like actually _sleeping_ with you?” Newton snorted. “Dude, if my job were always this easy, I’d have a way better sense of self-worth,” He joked, patting the mattress. Clearly Hermann needed some encouragement, even for this. Hours before, Newton had sucked his dick, something that was considered well beyond just touching, and Hermann was there feeling bad about making Newton _sleep?_ Newton was happy for the change-- he was usually forced back into the dock, where he’d wake from his hibernation either to his client ushering him out for another round or in a new home with a new client. It was a toss up, and neither option was one he cared for. But now, with Hermann, he’d get to just... cuddle.

What a weird fucking concept. Actually just sleeping.

Hermann pulled him out of his thoughts as he flipped off the light and crawled carefully into bed. He tucked his feet under the blanket and slid down until he was lying side by side with Newton. His gaze was still defiantly on the ceiling. He swallowed, and Newton watched his Adam’s apple bob in his thin throat.

Newton sighed. He was just going to have to get pushy. “Hermann, why did you buy me?”

Hermann blinked and turned his head to him. “What?”

“Why did you buy me?” Newton repeated. “I want you to actually think about that answer, not just for me, but for you. You bought me for a solid week, and you’re telling me you had absolutely no plans at all?”

Hermann blushed, and Newton laughed. There was his answer, he supposed. Hermann covered his face again, in a way that was becoming a habit Newton really wanted him to stop. “I _didn’t_ have any plans... I made the purchase months ago, and I had... honestly forgotten about it until you arrived.”

Newton gave a thoughtful hum. “Do you remember what you were hoping for when you bought me? Even just a hint.”

Hermann was quiet for a while. He stayed hidden behind those hands and didn’t flinch. ”...Companionship,” He whispered, as if somehow that was a great sin he’d just confessed. ”...You were right about the loneliness. I assumed I was fine by myself, but I-...” Hermann finally dropped his hands and looked away toward the bedroom door. ”...I’m sorry, it sounds so childish...”

Newton couldn’t believe his ears. This guy just told him he only ordered Newton because he felt alone, and he seemed to expect Newton to chastise him for that. “It doesn’t,” Newton said, meaning the words. He suddenly found himself in a situation where he didn’t have to lie to Hermann. “There is nothing wrong with wanting company sometimes.” Newton knew what Hermann was feeling. Newton wanted company, too. But he could worry about that when he was free of this life.

He breathed in slowly and shifted himself closer. “Come here, hey.” He reached over Hermann’s body and took his chin in his hands, turning Hermann to face him. “Hermann, the things you want are so innocent. Like, _so_ innocent, I kinda wanna cry a little. You don’t have to feel ashamed to want those things, and seriously fuck whoever told you that you shouldn’t.”

Hermann made a face and turned his eyes to the pillow. “It is regrettably how I was raised-- to be independent.”

“Wanting somebody to share this crazy existence with doesn’t mean you aren’t independent. You can survive just fine on your own. You already proved that, I’m sure.” Newt leaned closer and pressed a soft kiss to Hermann’s forehead. “It’s the human condition to seek companionship, and if your family expects-“

“ _Just-_ ” Hermann interrupted. ”...Just my father.”

Newton narrowed his eyes.  What kind of father wanted their kid to be alone? “If your _dad_ expects you to go against natural human dynamics, he’s a goddamn moron.”

Hermann nursed his bottom lip before, finally, he let out a soft chuckle. “So your stance is that I should indulge in this moment because evolution says I should?”

Newton nodded and beamed. “You hit it on the head.”

Hermann held that smile for a few more seconds-- his longest yet, Newton realised-- and turned his gaze away. ”...What should I do?”

“What do you need?” Newton leaned his head into the pillow. “Whatever you need, you can just take it. That’s why I’m here. Boyfriend mode activated, dude,” He said, pulling Hermann’s arm behind him and curling an arm around Hermann’s chest. He slid his legs under Hermann’s bad one, hopefully giving it the height in needed to keep him out of pain. “You go ahead and do whatever you want. Ask me for whatever you want.”

Hermann found Newton’s eyes again, and Newton watched him ponder. Maybe that was what Hermann needed to hear. Newton found that a part of him didn’t mind the idea of Hermann changing his mind about sex. If it was anything like the rest of this afternoon had been, Hermann would probably be gentle with him, and that alone was something Newton was grateful for.

He felt Hermann’s arm around him pull closer. Hermann’s lips found his, but they weren’t needy; they were soft. If anything, it didn’t feel like Hermann was taking what he needed at all, but he was certainly giving. Hermann pulled away and bit his lip. “I think I’d... just like you to hold me. If that’s okay.”

Newton forgot how to speak.

Hermann wanted to be held. And that was it. Newton had thought for sure Hermann was at _least_ going to ask him to make out with him, or get him off again, or maybe ride him.

But no. This thin, pretty reed of a man wanted Newton to hold him.

Newton curled his arm around him further, not even bothering to stop it as he was taken over by an urge to just make this man feel safe. “Gotcha covered, Hermann.” He leaned up and pressed another kiss to Hermann’s lips, leaning his head back down on his shoulder. “Sleep well, okay? Let me know if you need anything else.”

Hermann’s free hand found the one Newton had thrown over him and squeezed. ”...This is enough.” He leaned heavily into the pillow, and a sigh took all of the tension with it as it left his lungs. His dark eyes slowly drifted shut, and the tiniest, peaceful smile formed on his thin lips. His breathing evened out. His body grew completely lax. He was asleep.

Newton could only stare at him in disbelief.

This was not what Newton expected at all. This week was going to be harder than he thought.

~


	2. Day 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is
> 
> so late

Newton was awake long before Hermann.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t slept. He found it came pretty easy. It was a strange idea for androids to have trouble sleeping, but he supposed when his thoughts were literally running a thousand worries a second, he often didn’t bother even if he had the chance. He only slept once previously, and it was the second night with his first buyer. The first night with that man, he’d been too paranoid to allow himself even an hour of unconsciousness.

Last night he felt, of all the ridiculous things, calm. The evening had been thoroughly uneventful, the only sexual encounter with this client was one that Newt himself had to initiate, and over the course of the night, neither of them had moved. Hermann breathed softly into his hair, chest in a steady rise and fall, hands and arms limp but still as curled around Newton as they had been the night before. Hermann didn’t even snore.

Newton, for a good hour, wondered if Hermann had ever slept this good. One thing apparent about Hermann that he’d noticed but really didn’t dwell on was how tired the man had looked. He was the picture of a man who needed a goddamn vacation, and if this was how rested he looked after one good night’s sleep, this vacation was a long time coming.

He spent another half hour mentally backpedaling.

He could not and would not start sympathising with the enemy. He knew that was a bit of a strong word, especially when attached to someone proving to be as harmless as Hermann, but he had to keep it in his head. This man ordered him from a sex service. It didn’t matter why; he still did it, and he was as guilty as the rest of them.

...Except that it was nearly impossible to believe that sentence, even as it ran through his head. As much as Newton needed to believe it, he couldn’t see Hermann as the same monsters his previous buyers had been. Hermann let him sleep. Hermann held him like a lover rather than a predator. He _kissed_ him like somebody who’d loved him for years, and Newton hadn’t know what the greater majority of this really felt like. He had his research. He’d read books. He knew everything in theory. Experiencing them was a completely new ballfield.

So maybe Hermann wasn’t the enemy. But he wasn’t exactly an ally either. Perhaps... if Newton just explained...

No. He got lucky with Hannibal Chau. That in and of itself was a once in a lifetime chance. There was no way he’d get that lucky again. He was willing to admit Hermann was the gentlest client he had, but he was willing to bet money that if Newton started rambling about where he came from, Hermann would politely let him know that he was sending him back to Designer Date to get checked out, and it would be all over. Hermann would apologise, because that was just the kind of guy he seemed to be. But in the end, Newton would end up dead, and that’s all there was to it.

He couldn’t let that happen.

At the first sign of Hermann rousing, Newton snapped his eyes shut and breathed evenly. He ought to not be awake when Hermann wasn’t, and there was no reason to let Hermann believe he was otherwise. He felt Hermann barely shift away and his breath hitch. The nerves had returned with his consciousness. Newton wondered how long it would be before Hermann woke him. Whatever Hermann had planned, Newton was going to have to handle perfectly and carefully. Hermann might still try and send him back at the end of the day, so he had to do this right. Wait for an order, and execute. Wait for an order--

Instead, Hermann sighed. Newton felt Hermann shift carefully out from under his head, and he felt his arm be moved and placed gently on the pillow that Hermann was leaving behind. Hermann was just leaving the bed. Hermann was trying to let him _sleep_. It was a ridiculous notion, since Newton by nature didn’t need sleep.

The bed dipped where Hermann now sat at its edge, and Newton heard him sigh again. He wasn’t sure if it sounded like regret, or if that was just what Hermann did first thing in the morning. Either way, the idea that an android could sleep through any of that was just silly.

So, he snuggled into the pillow (that still smelled of Hermann, he noticed) and cracked his eyes open at Hermann’s back. “Where are you going?” He asked, a soft smile in place. It was odd how little he had to force it.

He watched Hermann jump and turn to him. He looked guilty (of _what_ , Newton didn’t know-- Hermann had done nothing to warrant that look yet) and swallowed so hard, Newton watched his Adam’s apple bob readily. “I… I thought I might shower.”

“Want me to join you?” Newton yawned mid sentence, ventilating his system in the most natural looking way possible. He wasn’t excessively overheated exactly, but Hermann kept his apartment warm.

Hermann turned away from his eyes. “I-… that’s quite all right, I believe I can manage the task on my own.” He stood up too quickly, too nervous, cane in hand, and began marching toward the bathroom. It was a slow trek, hesitant. Was he waiting for something?

Newton lifted his head from the pillow and leaned it on his hand. Hermann had a want in there he wasn’t saying. What would it take to get it out of him? “You _can_ manage it, but do you really want to?”

That seemed to get a reaction. Hermann didn’t say no immediately, so Newton marked that down as a win. He pondered his cane for a few seconds and finally met Newton’s eyes. “Newton, do _you_ want to join me…?”

What Newton felt then was excitement. There was a smidgen of concern in him, but it was only because he had to convince himself he was only pleased that he got Hermann to agree. He wasn’t excited because of the prospect of what might happen while they were in there. Still, his traitorous face broke out into a grin. “I really do.”

Hermann’s gaze dropped nervously to the floor. “…All right. But I do not expect any… services. I would simply enjoy the company.”

God dammit, Hermann. Stop being so freaking perfect. The shout of joy that escaped Newton’s mouth was thoroughly unforced and completely involuntary. He’d check his hardware for bugs at a later date. For now, he bounced out of bed and hurried past Hermann toward the bathroom, opening the door for him. “I’ll start the shower. Any particular temperature?” He did his best not to focus too long on things in this bathroom that made something twist unpleasantly inside him. There were hand rails everywhere, chairs, and a couple of pill bottles set aside on the immaculate counter top. These were the throes of a man trying to remain independent despite a disability. Newton had to reel back his sympathy again.

He heard the door shut behind Hermann, and all at once the good feelings shriveled away. He fought an urge to bolt; Hermann didn’t want _services_. He told himself again and again that this was not an empty promise as he made for the shower and began fiddling with the knobs to figure out what did what. Hermann spoke behind him. “I prefer it hot, but not unbearable. I need the warmth to sooth the muscles in my leg.”

The pang of sympathy came back. It was doubling every time his gaze got stuck on the chair sitting by the shower wall. “Know what else helps with that?” He finally figured out the knobs and tested the temperature with his hand-- 100 degrees, his brain provided him. Almost there. He offered Hermann a smile. “Massage.”

That got Hermann to laugh. “And I expect you’re completely loaded with massage techniques?” He asked, fidgeting with the buttons of his night shirt.

Newton rolled his eyes. “I mean, obviously. But also, legit ones. I can go to work on your leg for you if you want.” He turned a knob the barest hint to the right and waited for the temperature to change again. Finally, it reached 112 degrees, and he shook his hand dry, closing the shower door. “You’ve got a shower chair, that’ll make it easy.”

Hermann didn’t respond immediately. That alone didn’t concern Newton; Hermann had been antsy all night, and a little hesitation wasn’t too worrying. But when he turned and saw Hermann frozen, eyes locked on the floor and hands barely trembling at his buttons, that wave of sympathy crashed over him before he could stop it. Hermann looked so small suddenly, and Newton was overcome with a need to make it _stop_. He stood up straight and moved into Hermann’s view. “Hey, you okay?”

“I-” Hermann couldn’t meet his eye. “I’m sorry, I’m not used to being exposed in front of anyone…”

Fucking hell. Newton tilted his head at him. “I’m not really an ‘anyone’, Herms, I’m a thing. If that helps.”

Hermann’s eyes locked on him, and they looked upset with him. Newton felt fear for a fleeting second. “It does not,” Hermann admitted, still looking cross. “You are someone. To me, you are, and I won’t be able to see you as anything but.”

Newton’s legs were ready to give out. His chest wouldn’t take in air for a moment, and he felt lucky that he didn’t need it. It was like his systems shuddered. It was as if his heart skipped a beat.

He’d known that Hermann still saw him on his level, but actually hearing it, confirming it-- Newton’s head wasn’t sure what to do with that information. His face took over for his brain and smiled. He reached up and took Hermann’s face in his hand in a move that he felt he couldn’t help. He was _definitely_ running a self check the next chance he got. “That’s why you keep asking me what I want to do.” He soothed his thumb along Hermann’s cheek and watched his eyes go soft. That softness partnered with nerves again, and Newton filled his chest with a determined breath. “Hermann, lemme level with you here. I really, _really_ wanna see you naked. Does _that_ help?”

It wasn’t even a lie at this point. Newton flinched internally at this realisation, but he would dwell on it later. It wasn’t a big deal; Hermann was attractive, and Newton was allowed to notice. It didn’t change anything.

When Hermann leaned into his hand, eyes still lidded and... scared? What the hell did he have to fear? “I hope, then, that I do not disappoint you.”

“I doubt you could,” Newton said, not even trying to stop the words.

And so, Newton watched. Somehow, despite the fact that Hermann was getting naked (and inevitably, so too would be Newton), this didn’t feel the least bit sexual. The top was peeled off of Hermann’s lithe shoulders, revealing collarbones and ribs and thin limbs that, until now, were always hidden beneath oversized sleeves. There was a graceful curve in his spine, and Newton followed it down to the hem of Hermann’s pants, where the other man’s hands had, once again, frozen. Newton met his eyes for a moment, pushing as much encouragement into his gaze as he could until Hermann finally shoved the the pants to the floor.

Newton took in all of Hermann. The grace carried over into his thin legs. His skin was pale the whole way, showing how little he got out of the apartment. His ankles were thin, and the word ‘frail’ crossed his mind, but he squashed it. Hermann was thin, yes, but he was fit. Despite the scarring down the left hip, and the hunch that Hermann stood in naturally, he had the form of a dancer-- all thin limbs and long fingers and graceful movements and angles and that fucking beautiful neck and those long lashes--

Newton spoke before too long both so Hermann wouldn’t get nervous and also to snap himself out of his trance. “Holy shit, you’re gorgeous, Hermann.” He had to force the words to be louder than a whisper.

Then Hermann looked away from him again. “I suppose I should be happy you’re programmed with compliments.”

Newton scoffed. He brought his hand to Hermann’s thin arm, brushing over the bare skin and marveling how soft it was. He could feel Hermann’s muscles just under the surface as well-- sculpted from years of using the cane and relying frequently on his upper body strength, he was sure. “It’s not just programming, dude. If I like what I see, I say it.” And it wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t even close. Hermann was _hot_. Still, he smirked up toward the top of Hermann’s head. “There’s a reason I haven’t said anything about your hair.”

Hermann squinted at him, finally breaking out of his nerves a bit. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

“Oh, so many things. I’ve got a list, if you want me to read it.”

Hermann weakly slapped at Newton’s intrusive arm with no intention of actually pushing him away. “Hush. There’s nothing wrong with my hair.”

Newton’s smiling was going strong. “If you’re a Turing fan.”

“Which I happen to be, thank you very much.”

Newton laughed. “Fair enough.” He held that dark gaze for a few seconds before zeroing in on his now bared shoulder. He pressed a kiss there, one that didn’t feel forced. It was just easy. Careful. _Caring._ “Feel better now?” He asked, glancing up into those eyes that were only inches away now.

He watched Hermann go pink and knew he’d finally broken through on some level. He smiled shyly. “…I-… I do, actually. Thank you.”

Newton gave into the relief. “Welcome.” Then shifted away, just barely enough to give him room to start taking off his own clothing. For once, he didn’t feel that grip of panic as he peeled his clothes away. The shirt he tossed to the flat of the chair, on Hermann’s folded clothes, and he tugged his boxers down.

Still no fear. No nerves. Everything felt different here-- domestic, peaceful, lots of good words and synonyms cycling through Newton’s head. The feelings were even harder to describe, and he didn’t know what any of them meant, but not a single one of them felt negative. Maybe he’d do some research later and figure out exactly what they meant.

His elation was so much so that he didn’t lose an ounce of his ease when he turned back to Hermann and caught him staring at his ass. Hermann recoiled and turned away so fast, Newton thought for sure he’d hurt his neck. Hermann kept looking away. “Sorry, I-… Sorry…”

Newton smiled and rolled his eyes, chasing that face with his hand and tugging him to look at him again, ready to accept that gaze where it landed. “Hey, you can look, it’s okay. It’s what I was built for.”

Hermann looked him right in the eyes. “I just wish to give you your autonomy.”

Autonomy-- freedom from external control or influence; independence, his mind helpfully supplied. _Freedom._ Before Newton could stop himself (he _really_ needed to get that checked), he threw his arms around Hermann’s neck and leaned the side of his face into Hermann’s bare shoulder. “…Thanks. That actually uh-” His voice was wobbling. Why the hell was his voice wobbling!? He turned to pressed his face closer into that shoulder and hid from Hermann’s gaze. ”...That actually means a lot.”

And he stayed there. He held onto Hermann like he’d just used his third wish to free him, even though he knew that wasn’t what he meant. He was still just an android. Hermann was just finding the right words for how he was feeling, and not laying some claim that he would break Newton out of this life. It was just a word. Just a goddamn word.

Then, Hermann’s arms came around him and held him back just as tightly. Newton let himself relax into it, daring for just this moment to take instead of give. He let go of his plans, his obligations, his fears, just to relax with the sound of running water and the feeling of being safe. His eyes drifted closed.

 _Fuck,_ this was nice.

But he had to stop. He had to come back to reality. He pulled back with a smile, finally forced, but not to hide disdain. This time, it was to keep in all the things he wanted to say, because he knew it would compromise his plans. He slid his hands to Hermann’s and led him to the shower instead of begging for his help like part of him wanted. “Come on. Time waits for no man.”

He let Hermann into the shower first, watching the existing tension melt away as the hot water encompassed him. He leaned his head into the spray, wetting his hair before he sat down on his chair and out of Newton’s way. Newton stepped in once he knew he had permission and shut the door behind him. The light in here was dimmed, creating what could easily be a sensual atmosphere, but with the heavy exhaustion of Hermann’s body and the lack of any sexual intention, this just felt... quiet.

Newton kneeled before Hermann and took stock of the state of his leg. He focused on the type of scarring he was dealing with, and he lifted his hands to put the lightest pressure along the muscles to see how damaged they might have been beneath it.

Hermann went stiff as a board as soon as Newton touched him. Newton offered him a gentle smile. “Okay, gonna tell you immediately that you’re not gonna feel any better if you don’t relax.”

Hermann’s humility return in the form of a hand over his eyes, hiding his face. “Sorry,” He said, sounding equal parts nervous and ashamed. “I’ll try to do better.”

Newton had to fight the urge to hug him again. “You don’t have to apologise, dude, just lemme do my magic. You don’t have to do anything better, you’re doing just fine.” He took his arm with his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Why on earth would Hermann be sorry about something like that? “I’ll be real professional about it. I’ll behave,” Newton promised.

He returned his attention to the leg and splayed his fingers over it, pressing only slightly to feel where there were tightened muscles and where there were damaged ones. Once he could figure that, he knew just how much pressure to use so he didn’t actually make the leg worse.

As soon as he knew where the safe zones were, he began just above the knee and pressed his thumbs into the thin limb, following the lines of the muscle as he worked his way up in one smooth motion. Hermann gave a whimper, but he made no move to stop him. His face was one of resolved pain-- eyebrows knit, teeth grit, and eyes squeezed shut. As Newton continued to work, never dipping too far in the injured spaces, Hermann brought a hand over his mouth to keep from crying out again. How much pain was Hermann actually in if this little massage was bringing him this level of agony?

“Does this hurt you a lot throughout the day?” Newton tried, both so Hermann could focus on answering rather than the pain, and as a serious question.

He watched Hermann give the barest hint of a nod. “A-… A bit. It is usually bearable, but I have bad days.”

Newton nodded and moved to another part of the leg, pressing in on a connected muscle from his inner thigh in attempt to help the tense ones regulate. Hermann gasped, sat back a bit further in the chair, and his shoulders slumped. Good. He was already starting to feel better. The more Hermann relaxed, the better he would feel.

He could see Hermann eyeing him as he worked. “Are… Are you going to be all right? You’re waterproof?”

All of this pain, and he was still concerned about Newton? He gave him a promising smile. “Hell yeah I am. They could drop me in the middle of the ocean, and the only thing that would get me is the pressure a couple miles down.” He lifted Hermann’s leg just enough to fit his fingers beneath it and continue working the muscles until he felt them relax all around. “I’m meant to be able to withstand a lot,” He added, just in case his previous answer wasn’t enough for Hermann.

Hermann seemed hesitant. “I do not like what that implies…”

Newton blinked. “Huh?” As he glanced up, he replayed what he’d said in his head. Shit, he’d actually said _too_ much. “Oh! Oh no, don’t worry, we’ve got a strict ‘break it you bought it’ policy. Lots of people think it’s no big deal until they find out that actually purchasing the whole unit is upwards of a couple million dollars.”

“So if they abuse you, they’re forced to keep you so they may continue to abuse you?”

Newton cursed at himself. There really was no way to make this life sound pretty. “All right, I didn’t say it was perfect, but ya know. It’s prevention, really. Disclaimers everywhere.”

“I still don’t agree with it.” Hermann went quiet immediately after that. Newton felt a flutter of _something_ responding to the words, but he squashed it. It was just words. It had to be. Instead of responding, he continued working his fingers into those muscles.

His focus was suddenly derailed by a soft hand on his wet cheek. It sent a feeling through his body that he wasn’t expecting as Hermann spoke again. “…And here I am funding the company that allows it…” Newton lifted his gaze to him and froze. Those dark eyes were full of such... _guilt._ As they should be, absolutely, but Newton had never expected to actually see it.

...It almost wasn’t fair to Hermann. Newton did, begrudgingly, understand the majority opinion on AI; the brand of AI chosen for this sort of work was never meant to be the type that could actually feel. They were not meant to retain information, and they were never meant to be able to feel the same sensations that Newton ensured that he could. There was no self-awareness in Designer Date AI. They were the epitome of programs-- dating sims with thousands of pre-loaded responses. No free will in sight.

There was only Newt. And he would have to keep playing like he was an advanced version of the others. The fact that he was so much more was not something Hermann needed to know. And he never would. Newton forced a smile and leaned into the touch like a good boy. “Hermann, it’s not like it’s slavery. We’re not real people.”

“According to whom? Where is the line exactly? Do you not have some semblance of free will?” Hermann just would not stop.

Newton pulled his gaze away and looked back at the scarred leg where his hands were frozen in place. Lying was starting to hurt. “I don’t,” He said.

“I don’t believe you.” He felt that hand tilt him back up to that sharp but gentle face. “If you’re just programming, you’d have to admit that you cannot be objective when you say that I’m… attractive…”

That just wasn’t fair. The twisting in his gut got worse as he tried to deny it. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish that couldn’t breathe, and the words wouldn’t come. He couldn’t win no matter what he said. If he claimed it was all programming, Hermann would have to believe that Newton couldn’t think him beautiful, and god _damn,_ he was. But if he confirmed what Hermann was saying... what would happen...?

Instead of risking it, he stood up. “Can I wash your hair?”

Hermann looked to the floor where he’d vacated the space. “Please.”

Newton nodded and moved behind Hermann, where he was safe to stare at the ceiling for a few seconds in exasperation. He grabbed the shampoo and squeezed probably too much into his hands, setting to work.

This was not supposed to be this hard. Hermann was supposed to be just like all the others-- some freak of a man willing to use him for sex and sex alone, rich enough to want it for a week so he could just call Hannibal Chau and get out of this life without feeling bad about it. But no. He got Hermann. Sweet, unassuming Hermann, who wanted Newton to have autonomy, who was trying to convince Newton of his own sentience and sapience. Hermann, who seemed to long for nothing but domesticity in a world that didn’t understand his head or his disability, likely. Hermann who was alone.

He rinsed Hermann’s hair of shampoo, mindlessly careful and going through motions he’d only ever seen. Then, as he reached for the conditioner, Hermann suddenly caught his arm before it got there. “Newton?”

Newton couldn’t stop the flinch. “Yeah?”

Hermann’s shoulders hunched and betrayed that the nerves had returned. His body language was closed even though he was already facing away from him. “When I said that I… I did not want services, I feel my meaning may have been misconstrued.”

Oh. Oh shit, he went straight to auto pilot. Before Hermann had any more time to panic about it, Newton reached down and brushed his fingers just under Hermann’s jaw. “No you- You weren’t, I know what you meant. Sorry, I went a little blank. Processing some things.” He pulled his other hand out of Hermann’s grip and pushed his fingers through Hermann’s wet, clean hair, forcing that same affection he’d practiced back into those touches.

It wasn’t like it was a difficult thing to do.

Hermann hummed at the touched and pressed back into it, wanting more. “Did you want to talk about it?” And somehow, even in this luxury, he still wanted to make sure Newton was okay. What a goddamn hero.

“Oh no, not like- I mean actually processing.” As Hermann leaned further back, Newton tilted his head down and kissed him on the forehead, running his thumb along his jaw. “I can’t actually not be fine.”

Hermann looked amused, and his posture opened up again. “Goodness. Just when I was starting to think about what a clever AI you are, you pull out the double negatives.” That sweet, soft smile had returned.

Newt could have rolled his eyes, ready to jump back into the playful banter. This, he could do. This, he was good at. This was safe. “Okay, sure, but like, the actual statement doesn’t get the point across. ‘I can be fine’ doesn’t make sense as a sentence in any context, let alone the context I’m using-”

“What you say instead, Newton, is ‘I am fine’.” Hermann interrupted. Newton stilled, and Hermann pulled out of his grasp to face him properly. No hiding his reactions now. Hermann’s gaze was a question. “Is that a difficult thing for you to say?”

Newton stopped breathing to keep a distressed noise in. “No,” He managed, keeping the panic out of his face. “Of course not.”

He still couldn’t say it.

~

Newton nearly attacked his wardrobe. He hadn’t even bothered putting anything back on once he was out of the shower, instead drying off and walking through the apartment as naked as the moment he arrived (much to Hermann’s embarrassment as he came out for one moment to set the kettle to boil before returning to his room to dress). He pulled out a pair of pants and a t-shirt, not bothering with underwear out of something he couldn’t really call habit-- preparation? Maybe that was a better word. One layer of clothing was a safer bet in this line of work than two. After that, he found a small compartment and pulled out a wallet. It was small, but he knew it was full and ready to go. He tucked it in his pants pocket.

By the time Hermann padded softly back into the room, he’d donned his leather jacket and was just finishing tying his boots. He heard Hermann take the kettle and pour the boiled water into a cup. “Are you planning on going somewhere?” He asked.

Newt made his way to a mirror Hermann had by his door and fluffed his hair a bit, smirking at Hermann’s reflection. “What, you’re _not_ going somewhere? You’re on vacation, dude, you’re not staying in.”

He saw Hermann squint at him. “Yes, I am on vacation, and I will spend it as I see fit.”

Newton wanted to roll his eyes. How the hell was he supposed to convince Hermann to keep him if he wasn’t willing to actually use him for the purpose he was bought? “Oh no. Absolutely not.” He made his way across the room to Hermann’s side, and his nerves twisted and fired inside him as he made his decision. He had a plan, and he had to make it happen. He took the tea from Hermann’s thin hands and dumped it in the sink.

Hermann made a noise of shock, and Newton set the mug in the sink as well to take his shoulders. Either this would solidify Hermann’s decision to send him back, or everything would be okay. Hermann was, so far, not the type to retaliate for something like this. Still, the wide, upset, dark eyes bordering on angry were making Newton regret his decision immediately. “I know, I know, stab me with a fork later. Let’s try this again.” He took a breath and gave him a little smile, powering through his fear. “Hermann, would you like to go out for tea with me?”

A squint was all he got in response. “I _had_ tea.”

Newton nodded. “Yeah, and I’m gonna buy you another one. A better one.”

“With what money?”

Newton wasn’t exactly feeling relief, but the fear was subsiding. No raised hands came to grab him, and the fury he thought he saw seemed to be waning. It made it easier to smile and look smug for Hermann. “I come with a wallet. Fourteen-hundred dollars. I mean technically it’s still you’re money, but it’s part of the package. I got two-hundred dollars for everyday you ordered, if you wanna be wined and dined. We could see so many movies. Or eat, like, one super ritzy meal uptown or something.”

If Hermann agreed, Newton realised that this would be the first time he actually used the wallet. Even times when he’d been bought for a full twenty four hours, nobody ever bothered with anything in the dock once Newt was outside of it.

Hermann stared him down a little longer and then rolled his eyes. By the time he looked back down, any frustration left in him was gone. “Fine. I will allow you to replace my tea.”

Newton could only grin back. “So, ‘yes Newton, I’ll go on a date with you’?”

“ _Yes,_ Newton,” Hermann took Newton’s face in his hands. “I will go on a date with you.”

Finally. Sweet, glorious relief. It was followed by something he was comfortable calling happiness. With that glee in mind, he pulled Hermann forward into a soft kiss. He wasn’t entirely sure why, but it felt like the right thing to do. “That is what I’m here for.”

Hermann finally smiled. Newton decided this was his favourite view of Hermann.

He waited patiently for Hermann to fetch his shoes and coat, and he made sure that he opened the door for him. He found himself hovering to Hermann’s left, mindful of his leg, and beat him to the button of the elevator. As they waited for it to arrive, Hermann check the time on his phone.

“I do not think my usual spot is open this early on Sunday.” He said.

Newton leaned against the elevator door. “Well we can’t go to a usual place. No come on, I’m treating you! We gotta go somewhere you’ve never been before.”

He watched Hermann wince. “Ooh, that may be difficult. I have a coworker who’s carted me around most of the local coffee shops already. We may have to go hunting.”

The elevator dinged and Newton leaned away from the door, putting his hand on it to allow Hermann to go in first. “Then let’s go hunting! I’m up for an adventure if you are.”

Hermann made his way into the elevator, but as he turned to face him again, he looked hesitant. “I cannot just go for a walk, you realise. I can’t make it more than a few blocks without needing to sit, and then I have no guarantee that I will make it back.”

Newton felt his sympathy churning as the doors closed them in. ”Okay first of all, shame on you for thinking I wouldn’t be able to just carry you wherever you need to go, and secondly, I can call a cab, dude. I’ve got fourteen hundred dollars. I’ve got you.”

He swore he head the tiniest gasp escape Hermann’s lips. The man slowly went pink and ducked his gaze, pressing the button for the ground floor and pulling his phone back out. ”...I suppose I’ll look around then.”

Newton smiled at him and slid his arm behind him, resting his hand on the small of Hermann’s back. Hermann shivered and leaned into him, which was a good sign. Newton leaned his head on Hermann’s shoulder, peering at his phone as he searched. It felt nice here-- pressed against tweed and not worrying about anything. He was worrying, sure, but with Hermann, it wasn’t at the forefront of his mind. It was a back burner problem. Right now, he was going on a date with a guy who was very sweet thus far, and he’d worry about his problems when he was good and ready. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to pretend the same way he was asking of Hermann.

The doors opened, and Hermann led the way through them. “It’s looking like the nearest place I’ve never been for tea is a... Felicitous Coffee House. It seems a bit of a drive though, are you sure you want to waste money to get us there?” He stood in the lobby with his shoulders up and grip tight on his cane.

Newton didn’t know why he seemed so tense. “It’s not a waste, man. Also it’s technically your money, but it’s still not a waste.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked sheepish. “I just wanna do nice things for you, you know?” Somehow Newton knew that this statement wasn’t even a lie. Hermann deserved nice things. It was a wonder he even needed the service to get them.

Hermann went a deeper shade of pink and broke into another smile. “You’re quite the sweet talker, Newton,” He admitted. Then, he dialed a number and pulled his phone to his ear. ”...Hello? Yes, I’d like to schedule a pick up, please.”

Newton grinned and placed his arm around Hermann’s lower back, leading him to the door. He pulled it open for him to walk through first and followed.

The breeze hit his face.

It was an overcast day, so there was no direct sunlight in the streets, but it was still bright and grey and chilly; this was what cold felt like, he realised. The temperature did nothing to him, but he watched Hermann shiver a few feet away as he spoke on the phone.

Newton was frozen where he was. He stared up at the layer of clouds keeping the sun at bay, noting that they were several thousand feet up, and he knew that the sky kept on going. It kept on fucking going. The breeze was soft, ghosting through his hair and over his face. He could feel every movement of the wind. In a mindless haze, he tugged his leather jacket off and held his arms out. That same breeze ghosted over his tattooed arms and threw the fabric of his shirt. He was outside. He was _outside._

He’d never been before.

He gave a whisper of a laugh and let a smile stretch his face. As he stared up into the clouds, he felt a droplet paint a path down his face that the wind promptly chilled. Was it raining? He reached up and touched his face, drawing back and finding that the liquid was not water; it was his own hydration solution. He was crying.

“Newton?”

Newton flinched at Hermann’s soft voice. He wiped his eyes and spun to see him. “Yeah, what’s up?”

Hermann had pocketed his phone and paced toward him. “The taxi will be here in five minutes.” He looked down into his eyes and suddenly seemed concerned. “Are-... Are you all right, darling?”

 _Darling_. Who the hell was supposed to be playing the part of the perfect boyfriend, Newt or Hermann? Newton managed a laugh and pulled his jacket back on. “Oh yeah, I’m fine. Just cooling the systems a little, you know?” Once the jacket was secure, he reached up and tugged Hermann down for a kiss. He wasn’t sure why he’d done it, but it felt like a thank you that he couldn’t say. As he pulled away from Hermann’s reddened face, he smiled at him. “You make me _hot_ , babe.”

Hermann laughed and ducked his head. “You’re ridiculous.”

~

Charlotte. Hermann named a _servo_ Charlotte.

If this is what dates were supposed to be like, Newton absolutely could not wait to have more. Hermann’s shy smile was turned toward the surface of the table after his soft, sweet admission that not only was he the type to ensure autonomy of a human approximation, he’s also the type to give an identity to an AI simply because it was capable of saying hi.

He hadn’t doubted since he saw Hermann that he was attractive to him-- not once. But hot damn, did it become more and more obvious the more Hermann spoke of his love of AI and the more Hermann _smiled like that_. He knew he was staring, but god he couldn’t help himself now. He found that he wanted to cover those smiling lips with his own and just hold Hermann as close as physically possible. In that moment, Hermann was the most beautiful being on the planet, and Newton couldn’t look away.

“…Newton?” Hermann’s unsure voice finally snapped him out of his trance, and he realised that he was looking back at him now.

He tried to force his eyes away, but he decided against it. First of all, he was here to be the perfect boyfriend, and staring longingly at his lover was an important part of that facade. Secondly, there wasn’t a fiber or wire in him that had to fake the look on his face. “Sorry. I just, uh… You’re kind of amazing, you know that?”

After a smile that dared to shift into something sad, Hermann looked back at the tea in his hands. “I’m nothing so stellar. Please do not celebrate me for paying AI the bare minimum of respect that they deserve.”

Newton bristled, but kept it in, arching an eyebrow at him. “You advocated against my unwilling enslavement earlier.”

“I did,” Hermann said with a chuckle and a nod. Then those dark eyes were back on his again, heavy with _something_ Newton couldn’t name. “And yet, you still deserve more.”

Newton forgot how to breathe altogether. Hermann looked so sympathetic, so nervous for him and happy he was there sharing his life story, no matter how little it was; what would Hermann say if he told him about his father? What would he say if Newton told him about his other buyers?

Instead of doing either of those things, Newton went ahead and gave in to a deeply seeded need that had been growing for the past hour; he kissed him. He kept it chaste in case Hermann wanted to keep this ‘relationship’ they were putting on more subtle in public, but after a few seconds, he felt the man lean into it. The reciprocation was just as gentle, just as questioning of if Newton really wanted to do this for him.

And Newton really, _really_ wanted to do this for him.

It didn’t take long for the kiss to heat past the lukewarm beginnings, which didn’t exactly shock Newton. What was surprising was that it was _Hermann_ that went in for it first. He’d pressed closer, tongue asking timid permission at his lips if Newton could come out an play. Newton happily let him in, tasting the tea like he was enjoying a fine wine and wanted to know all the notes and nuances of the flavour-- not that he’d ever had wine, but he’d read about it once.

Hermann’s arms came around him of their own volition, and Newton took it as a sign to go deeper. He tilted Hermann back an inch or two and let his hands ghost under the cardigan he was still wearing. He realised he may be getting a bit _too_ into this, but he wasn’t going to go any further than Hermann was inviting. The second there was any question to his roaming hands, he’d bring this to an end, but _god_ he hoped it didn’t. It was a weird feeling, enjoying his job for once.

He continued trailing his fingers along the hem of Hermann’s stuffy pants, where his shirt was firmly tucked away. He’d occasionally dip his fingers just under the loose belt, but no more than an inch. Hermann’s breath came heavy over his lips through his nose and mouth as they continued their exploration, but there was still no hesitation in those movements. If anything, Hermann’s kisses were getting _more_ expectant. A flicker of nigh-forgotten nerves lit within Newton; what if this was what finally pushed Hermann over the fence of what he was and wasn’t willing to have Newton do...? Right along with those familiar nerves danced the newest version of worries he never thought he’d have to contend with--

What if Newton _wanted_ that?

So, with those heavy, gentle kisses and silent requests, Newton let his hand drop to Hermann’s knee and slide upward. He dragged his fingers deeper from where they were on Hermann’s inner thigh and continued his path until he found the bulge that Hermann took extra care to cover with as much loose fabric as possible.

Hermann whimpered and jerked out of Newton’s hold so hard he almost collided with the wall.

All at once, the room came back, and Newton remembered (shocked he had even forgotten) where they were. He threw his hands back to his coffee to give them something else to do when all the traitorous bastards wanted was to keep touching Hermann.

Apparently that was the wrong thing to do, and Newton was kicking himself. He should have known not to do something like that in a public place, but everything had been such a fog he hadn’t been able to help himself. And he was so sure it was where Hermann had been going with this that all he felt was humiliation. He’d misread the situation in the worst way.

He set his coffee down once it was clear that nobody had noticed and leaned his head on his hands. He felt like such an idiot. Was Hermann upset? He was almost afraid to look, but against his better judgment, he did anyway.

Hermann’s hands were also firmly over his mouth like he was holding back more noises, and he looked _so_ embarrassed. Hermann’s gaze barely shifted to meet his. Newton felt his regret rising as he readied an apology in his throat--

And then Hermann laughed. He was embarrassed and possibly humiliated, and he was _laughing_ about it like it was some inside joke they’d had with each other for years. He wasn’t upset. He was amused, and it was contagious. Newton found himself laughing right along with him.

Silence took over after the amusement finally died down. There wasn’t a need to fill it with words, and for once, Newton didn’t want to. The silence felt safe.

Hermann then angled toward him, but not as if to continue. “If you’ll excuse me, Newton. I… I need to visit the loo.”

What Newton felt next was a little bit like shame. Maybe _he_ had felt at ease, but Hermann might have felt different. “Right, sure. Sorry.” He slid off of the bench seat and hurried to the other side of the table. Maybe Hermann would still be willing to continue the date when he returned if they sat opposite of each other? He watched Hermann stand and turn to the hallway before he went back to studying his coffee too hard and over-thinking. There was always the chance that he _did_ overstep, and Hermann was just too damn nice of a guy to say anything.

“ _Newt_.”

Hermann’s voice was quiet, but it was a sharp knife through Newton’s thoughts. He lifted his gaze to lock with Hermann’s, and Hermann tilted his head toward the hall. No words. But it was a clear and concise message.

_Come with me._

Newton’s nerves were replaced with ecstasy, and it showed in his involuntary, toothy grin. Hermann wasn’t running away from the situation, he wanted it to continue-- just, away from prying eyes where they didn’t have to hold back.

Newton hurried out of the booth so fast, he stumbled, but he caught himself before he fell and beelined after Hermann. He hovered behind him, close, as Hermann knocked on the men’s room door. When no one answered, Hermann opened it, and Newton wasted no more time on waiting.

His arms were full of Hermann before they even breached the doorway, and he resumed the comfortable act of kissing him as deeply as he could while the door swung shut on its own. He blindly slapped the lock closed and threw one hand behind Hermann’s head, the other tucking along his back. Hermann seemed pliant in his hold, though responsive. If Newton inched one way, Hermann’s feet simply followed the movement. He’d go anywhere Newton put him.

And so, Newton quickly waltzed him back against the wall and braced him there, leaning his warm body against Hermann’s naturally chilly one. Even with the care Newton took, Hermann still gasped at the action. Newton knew that it wasn’t a pained sound at all. He confirmed it when he slipped his tongue in and Hermann hungrily met it with his. Newton’s arms held Hermann aloft, that small memory in the back of his head reminding him that in this moment, Hermann needed to feel good; he couldn’t do that if he was putting too much weight on that leg, so Newton made sure he shifted Hermann just a bit higher. He rested his pelvis against Hermann’s and leaned, to the pleasant, soft keening of Hermann’s voice, and pulled back for a moment to check and make sure that Hermann was visibly all right with the direction this morning was taking .

Hermann’s dark, coffee coloured eyes were half lidded before him, and those lines of stress-- the creased eyes, the hard line of his mouth, the worry in that gaze-- it was all gone. And Newton didn’t feel like prey in that heated stare at all. He felt like this was the thousandth time they’d done something like this. Hermann’s eyes pulled him in and betrayed only longing and nothing unsavoury. With a twisting feeling of static in his head, Newton realised that he felt... _wanted_.

Newton’s surprise left him in a huff and drove him forward to take Hermann’s lips again. He leaned in harder and moved his hips again, and Hermann moaned into his mouth. The man seemed so ready for this to happen, but he still wasn’t making any moves himself. He was letting Newton decide how fast they were going, and likely how far. Newton let his hands drop to slip under Hermann’s cardigan and began yanking his button-up out of his pants.

The first sign of Hermann taking any sort of control was his hands taking hold of Newton’s jacket and shoving it off his shoulders. Newton grinned at the move and leaned back enough to throw the offending thing off and to the floor. When he glanced back at Hermann, he found him doing the same thing to his cardigan (although Hermann took the care to make sure it was looped over the safety rail rather than the floor). Before Newton could jump back in, Hermann’s eager hands were peeling his t-shirt up from his waist. Newton laughed; Hermann’s excitement was clear, and honestly it was a little refreshing to see him finally coming out of his shell. He let Hermann do what he wanted with the shirt, and before he knew it, he was naked from the waist up. Hermann leaned back against the wall and took in the view. Newton wasn’t exactly sure what Hermann saw in him, but he wasn’t going to complain. At least on some level, Hermann thought that Newton was attractive. The odds he’d keep him around were getting higher.

Newton wasn’t sure if this was a good thing anymore.

To clear his head, he leaned in close and started to undo the top buttons of Hermann’s shirt. Before he got far, Hermann’s hands came up and brought his gaze to face him. “Newton...” Hermann looked worried.

Newton frowned. “What? Want me to leave it on?” Hermann was nervous about being nude in the comfort of his own home, he should have known it extended to semi-public spaces as well.

Hermann shook his head. “No, I… Can you feel this? Any of it?” Before Newton could question what he meant, Hermann’s hips suddenly rolled forward and brought sweet, sweet friction between them. It was such a careful move, hesitant, but sensual. _God,_ he wanted Hermann to do it again. “Or are you just reacting according to programming…?”

He gave a breathless laugh after reminding himself that Hermann, ever the gentleman, was waiting for his approval before continuing. “ _Trust_ me, dude. I feel it.” He leaned a little harder against those hips as if to punctuate his point, because he was definitely hard. There was no denying it. He hadn’t even had to force it. “I promise I feel it.” He then continued with the shirt buttons until Hermann’s chest and stomach were exposed. He pushed the shirt away and leaned in to press kisses to those sharp, pale shoulders. “This isn’t about me though,” He assured. “Stop worrying.” He turned his attention to Hermann’s pants.

But a thin fingered hand redirected that attention back up to his face. Deep, dark, concerned eyes burned into his own and tattooed a promise on the inside of his mind, even if he wasn’t sure what that promise was yet. “It’s as much about you as it is me. Don’t put your pleasure second to mine,” Hermann took a shaky breath. “Please.”

If Newton had blood, it would have frozen in his veins. As it was, he stopped breathing again, sucking in once and stopping it. It was too much. _Hermann_ was too much. At every turn that Newton thought for sure things were going to go back to the way they always were, Hermann turned everything on its head. Newton wasn’t sure what way was up anymore. Hermann was not at all what he was expecting when he stepped out of that box.

He pursed his lips against their trembling need to say something and kissed Hermann instead. When he pulled away again, he went ahead and let his gaze carry all of the affection he knew he was feeling for this man. “Together then.”

~

By the time they got home from their tryst in the coffee shop bathroom, Newton noted two things; The first was that Hermann’s nerves about this entire situation seemed to be dwindling. He was at Newton’s side, close, and no matter how frustrated or embarrassed he seemed as he demanded that they never do something so intimate in a public space ever again, he still clung to Newton’s arm and kept his hand in his. He was using Newton’s support in lieu of his cane, which he had tucked under his free arm, and somehow Newton wasn’t worried about the scowl in Hermann’s voice. It didn’t reach his eyes.

The second thing Newton noticed was a negative feeling growing in the pit of his stomach. He couldn’t quite pin point what it was, but he knew that it was directed at Hermann. Not at him exactly, because Newton knew that he absolutely enjoyed Hermann as a person, and he loved what the man tried to do for him, even if Newton was trying hard not to allow it. But every time Hermann said something soft or sweet to him, or his hand brushed over his forearm, or his fingers curled around his own, Newton felt that bad feeling. He didn’t know what it meant, but he was happy to tie it to the many problems his body had seemed to be having since he woke for this client. It was likely just a bug-- nothing more. He’d figure out what it was later.

“You realise we can never go back there,” Mused Hermann as they shuffled through the door and shut it, kicking off shoes.

Newton shrugged and let go of Hermann only once the other man planted the foot of his cane on the floor. “I dunno, I think that kid had a lucrative day, he may be more inclined to let us back whenever we want if we keep tipping like that.” He smirked.

Hermann went an attractive shade of red and shifted his pants a bit higher. “We left my belt.”

“You’ve reminded me twice in the cab,” Newt teased. Still, he came around Hermann and took his shoulders in his hands. “Hey, come on. You had a little fun, right? I’m not saying that’s anything we have to do again, but it was good, wasn’t it?”

Hermann’s head was low, but his eyes lifted to meet his anyway. “I... I did enjoy myself, yes...” He nursed his bottom lip in embarrassment. “I do hope that you found the morning enjoyable as well?”

Newton scoffed. “Seriously? After all that, and you still wanna check up on _me?_ ” He drew Hermann back into another soft embrace by his empty belt loops, arms around his waist. “I loved every minute of it, Hermann.” He leaned up until his lips were ghosting against Hermann’s earlobe. “And I can’t wait for what you have planned next.”

Hermann went tense, but at least this time he curled into Newton’s hold instead of away from it. Newton chuckled into Hermann’s shoulder and turned his head to officially press a kiss behind that lobe. He dragged the kisses down Hermann’s neck and relished in the small, breathy noises Hermann made in response--

“Lunch!”

Newton jumped as Hermann suddenly shouted and pulled away, marching across the room and going to the kitchen. Apparently Hermann’s nerves weren’t completely gone. Hermann tugged open the fridge. “L-Lunch is what I’m planning next. And I think I’d like to stay in for the rest of the day if that’s all right with you.”

It certainly was, and Newton made no move to deny it. Instead, he tucked his hands dutifully in his pockets. “You want some help?”

“No. No, I-...” Hermann huffed and turned a sheepish smile to him. ”...I’m processing some things. Have a seat on the couch, I’ll be with you once I’m finished.”

Newton arched an eyebrow at him and smirked. He went ahead and sat on the couch as he was asked, and leaned over the back of it to watch him. “Wanna talk about it?” He teased, repeating Hermann’s sentiment from their early morning talk.

Hermann caught on to his reference, if the annoyed squint had anything to say. “Smart ass.”

Newt stuck out his tongue, but he didn’t push it. He was making progress; there was no need to ruin it all by being too nosy. Instead, he turned from Hermann and shuffled his jacket off again, tossing it over to an armchair a few feet away. He then leaned back into the couch, stretched his legs out, and pondered that chair.

Hermann had quite a few seats in an apartment that apparently didn’t entertain often. Anybody else would see an empty chair, or perhaps Hermann’s favourite place to sit, but after everything he’d learned, Newton saw a wish. Hermann wanted someone else in this place. It was a small apartment, but it was still spacious enough for two people to easily live within it, and Hermann had it decorated as such. It was a quiet admittance that nobody heard but Newton, and Hermann had even admitted as much the night before.

Hermann was lonely. Hermann was _alone_. Newton stared at the chair and pictured Hermann in it, reading a book by himself in the soft light of the small lamp on the table next to it. He thought of Hermann sitting on the couch, facing the door he knew nobody else would be walking through permanently. He imagined Hermann all by himself in that big bed of his, sleeping in the middle, eyes straight up to a cold ceiling with little more than his duvet to protect him from the empty void around him. The idea that Hermann didn’t have this sort of relationship with someone real _hurt_ Newton. It wasn’t fair.

A soft clink of a glass plate on a hard surface snapped Newton out of his angry trance. He blinked and found that a plate now sat on the coffee table before him, holding a sandwich, cut diagonally. Newton stared at it, and then turned to Hermann, who sat down with another plate.

Another plate. That meant the first one was for _Newton_.

Hermann must have seen him staring, because he hissed seconds later. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I should have asked if you minded turkey-“

“The whole thing?” Newton interrupted. He flicked his gaze back at Hermann, who looked confused.

“Of course the whole thing. I’m not going to eat in front of you without offering you anything; that would be rude.” Hermann said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

God, he didn’t even know what this meant to Newton at all. Newton turned back to the sandwich and snatched it off of the plate, taking the largest bite he could manage.

The sandwich was composed of bread, turkey, Muenster cheese, lettuce and tomato, and mayonnaise. His head gave him all of the chemical and natural specifics-- dextrose, salt, honey, turmeric, sodium phosphates, etc.-- but he didn’t care about any of that. He could taste every layer of the sandwich, and how each addition helped the flavours of each other. The bread was toasted, an element of texture that wasn’t entirely necessary, but it was a _fantastic_ decision, and Newton felt he got more from the meal for it.

And he was allowed to eat the whole thing. The _whole fucking thing_. He finally swallowed the first bite and took a second, following it was a pleased groan. He closed his eyes and dropped his head back, facing the ceiling. “Holy _shit_ this is good...” He mumbled through his food.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” The request sounded less like a demand, and more like a recitation of a rule Hermann must have heard a hundred times in his life. Newton smirked at him.

“Don’t make such a good sandwich that I feel the need to praise it with my mouth full.” He said, still with food in the way. It wasn’t defiance, not really.

Hermann shot him a squint (amused, Newton notice, not frustrated) and took another bite of his own sandwich. He properly swallowed it before he spoke again. “It’s just a sandwich, Newton, there’s nothing special about it. Though if this is how you react to a simple sandwich, I can’t imagine how you’d react to a well cooked steak.”

Newton froze after he swallowed.

‘ _Not bad, huh? Just think, once you’re out, you can have a whole one._ ’

Beef, salt, black pepper, butter, garlic, cobalamin, iron, magnesium, vitamin b-6. The ingredients list echoed in his carbon fiber skull as a reminder of the first thing he ever ate. One bite. One fucking bite. A ‘palate teaser’, Chau had called it. ‘Tease’ was an excessive understatement, and Newton knew exactly what Hannibal had been doing when he cut the piece and held the fork out for Newton to eat from like a good little robot. It was the definition of a show of power. Hannibal wanted to remind Newton that he was at his mercy. ‘Mercy’ wasn’t exactly the word that Newton would use. But his time with Chau wasn’t exactly awful, and at least he was offering Newton a way out. Everybody that followed had been _way_ worse.

Until Hermann. Until ‘I just want you to have your autonomy’ Hermann. Until ‘I’ll have a hot tea with four sugars, and Newton- sorry, Newton, order whatever you would like’ Hermann. Until ‘I should have asked if you minded turkey’ Hermann.

Newton felt Hermann’s hand on his forearm and blinked. He turned to him and found Hermann’s face the picture of concern. ”...Newton?”

Newton forced an easy-going smile and shrugged. “What? I was just thinking about how much better this sandwich is than steak.” He took another bite and leaned against Hermann’s shoulder. “I mean what, steak is just seasoned beef, right? Not worth it.” He lifted his gaze to meet Hermann’s with a soft smile over an eager mouthful of food.

Hermann snorted and ducked his head in embarrassment at the praise. “All right, you’ve made your point. Eat.” He nudged his shoulder back into Newton’s, but he didn’t do it hard enough to push him away. Which was just as well-- Newton wasn’t about to move.

Newton turned from Hermann now that the man was satisfied and tried to keep the memories out of his eyes. He had new ones now-- of coffee and sandwiches, and the almost minty taste of the tea that Hermann favoured so much. There was nothing standing in the way of those things. Hermann offered them freely. And if he didn’t? Apparently all Newton had to do was ask.

Yeah, steak wasn’t worth it.

~

They’d changed back into pajamas after lunch, since Hermann wasn’t planning on leaving the house. Hermann put on some more tea, as if he hadn’t had enough, but Newton wasn’t about to complain; he was quite partial to the flavour of tea now, even if he preferred it second hand, tasting it on Hermann’s lips when he went in with soft, reciprocated kisses.

Initially, Hermann had read his book and nagged Newton for the music he was letting him pick anyway, which Newton thought was counterintuitive, but it felt... sweet. Domestic. Exactly what the doctor ordered, as it were. This was what Hermann had wanted from his purchase-- the picture of domestic bliss.

And where would bliss be without a partner who was completely infatuated with him? Newton fell into the role so easily now. He barely feared any punishment for letting himself make choices and just... be. He found he kind of wanted to kiss Hermann while he was reading his book. He found he wanted to curl around the man and warm his limbs against his poor circulation and the air in the room, even if it really wasn’t that cold. Hermann’s entire existence _begged_ for Newton to treat him softly and intimately, and Newton--

Newton didn’t wanna fight that urge to answer that plea, silent as it was. So he eventually distracted Hermann from his book with lazy, longing kisses and gentle fingers ghosting over his ribs through the fabric of his buttoned pajama top. He got Hermann horizontal, laying himself over top of him after making sure Hermann’s bad leg was braced with plenty of pillows. They kissed softly, no expectations from either of them. All of Newton’s motions were geared toward easing the tension that always seemed to be present in Hermann out of his body. He wanted Hermann to be putty in his hands. It was a control he wasn’t used to having, but Hermann seemed compliant and more than willing to respond to Newton’s touches with gentle, unassuming touches of his own.

Hermann’s fingers curled around the shell of his ear and into Newton’s hair. Newton, with a breathless laugh, realised what Hermann was doing-- he remembered the instruction Newton had given him the night before. If he didn’t know what to do, ‘home base’ made Newton feel appreciated. It was a safe space for Hermann’s hands, and it neither expected nor demanded anything from Newton in return. Newton reveled in it.

And then, as Newton’s hands eased him relaxed, Hermann drifted off. His heavy eyelids dipped closed, and his soft, kiss reddened mouth stopped responding. His arms grew lax and simply laid limp around Newton, and even as Newton stopped kissing him, he made no move to shake out of that weak hold. It was too comfortable. It was exactly where Newton wanted to be. So, he stayed. He shifted downward only enough to lay his head on Hermann’s chest and listen to that soft breathing and relaxed heartbeat.

And that was where Newton stayed for the next three hours. Hermann was a static sleeper. He didn’t shift, or move, and that made it easy for Newton to just zone out. He could have gone into sleep mode. He should have, honestly; this position was incredibly comfortable, and he was sure Hermann wouldn’t mind. But Newton’s head would not shut up. He spiraled through his thoughts like they were a maze that didn’t have an end. Hermann was a sweet man, the sweetest Newton had ever met, and while that wasn’t saying much compared to his previous buyers, it still meant something to Newton that he was trying so hard. He was gentle, he let Newton take control of the speed of things, and he gave him food.

By the end of those three hours, Newton had agonised over his options until his vision was blurry. He could take advantage of Hermann’s peaceful rest and let him sleep a while longer. One more hour and a half, and Newton would officially be Hermann’s for the whole week. A week of soft dates, and kisses that tasted sweet, and long fingered hands curling into Newton’s hair.

But that wouldn’t be the future if he stayed. He’d have that for three days, maybe four. Then he’d be free.

Freedom was a strong motivator. It always had been, and it was the reason he hadn’t just decked the next guy who got him out of the box (even though he really should have; that fucker was a creep). He had Chau’s warning in the background radiation of his brain, reminding him that there was software in his head that would let his keepers track him down at the push of a button. He couldn’t just fight every person that came after him. He couldn’t fight for the rest of his life, and even if he could keep fighting until he made it back to Jacob, he didn’t want to drag that mess back with him. Everybody would blame Jacob, and Newton knew that the company would drag him back anyway. He was just code after all. His opinions didn’t mean shit. So Newton had stayed strong.

Until now. It was ironic that his breaking point wasn’t ropes. It wasn’t an endless string of men using him without a care for what he wanted or if he got off on it. It wasn’t even Chau tazing him into compliance and luring him with a single bite of food and the promise of freedom if he just dealt with it all. No, his weakness was a bony man in too many sweaters who gave him sandwiches and only wanted a snuggle at his most needy.

But it shouldn’t have mattered. He had to steel himself against all of it. Hermann was wonderful, sure, fine, but in the end, he’d still send him back to Designer Date. Newton was still just an android, and Hermann, no matter what he believed, would never break a law to help him.

...But what if his next buyer bought him for a significant period of time? What if he didn’t have to do this to _Hermann?_

He decided, when his mind helpfully reminded him that it was half past five, that he would leave it up to fate. He’d dealt with some rough clients before. He could handle a few more if that’s what it took.

With a soft sigh and a few seconds of memorising the feeling of being in Hermann’s arms, he lifted his head and ghosted his fingers along that sharp cheekbone. Hermann struggled against consciousness for a few moments before he finally made a noise at the disruption. His eyes cracked opened and peered down at him, and Newton gave him a resolved smile. “Morning, sleepyhead.”

He watched Hermann grumble and reach for his tired eyes, pressing his fingers against them. “Goodness, did we sleep here all night?”

Newton held that smile even as he finally forced himself to get off of Hermann. “Nah, it’s still Sunday. I just didn’t want you to miss your window.” As soon as he was standing, he faced his dock with a sigh and yanked his t-shirt back off. It wasn’t like he needed it where he was going. He then hooked his thumbs over the hem of his boxers and yanked them down. Back to the drawing board, he supposed.

An indignant noise drew his attention back to Hermann, and he almost laughed at the scandalised pose Hermann had taken on, as if he hadn’t seen Newton naked several times already. His legs were pulled up protectively before him, his cheeks pink. “N- _Newton!_ What on earth are you doing!?”

Had Hermann honestly forgotten? “It’s about five-thirty. You still have an hour and a half to get a hold of DD and send me back to get your whole refund.” Newton reminded, trying his hardest to pretend he wasn’t terrified of getting back into that box again. Instead of thinking about it too hard, he held his stripped clothing close and regarded Hermann as softly as he could. “I really wanted to thank you for today. I know we didn’t do much, but it’s nice to get a small view of what your mind is like.”

He watched realisation don on Hermann, and his body uncoiled from its protective stance. “Five-thirty… Right.” Then, with a blank stare and creased brow, Hermann retrieved his laptop from the table.

Newton pursed his lips and turned away to collect his leather jacket with the rest to return them to the dock. Almost as fast as this purchase began, it was all over. It was like... a glimpse into something Newton could have if he was just patient enough. Maybe one day he could have something like this that was real. There would be no ruse to be shattered at the end of the day, or the week. It would just be him and whoever decided to love all of him.

He pulled the compartment open, but stopped when he heard a noise. He should have heard the sounds of typing or at least a video call for the company to come retrieve Newton. Instead, he heard the laptop shut, and his heart lodged in his throat.

“Newton, tell me…” Hermann shattered the silence. “If this situation were reversed-- if I were your purchase, and you my client-- would you deem yourself satisfied today?”

Newton shook himself out of his stupor long enough to toss the clothing back into the compartment. “Are you serious?” He gave a hysterical laugh that he cut short. Hermann was asking him a serious question, and Newton didn’t think he had it in him to lie. So he thought about his answer and turned back to Hermann. “I’d empty my life savings and try to get you for the month. I’d be a homeless bum afterwards, but it’d be worth it.” His gaze found the ground when embarrassment he shouldn’t have felt washed over him. He fiddled with his hands instead of trying to look at Hermann again. “…Man, it’d be worth it,” he added, more to himself than anything.

“Well,” Hermann began, sounding so jovial that Newton snapped his head up to look at him again. “The way I see it, they’ve already gotten my money. I’ve budgeted my vacation without that seven thousand, and you have a little under fourteen hundred more than I was expecting you to have.” The laptop remained closed and was then placed back on the coffee table, away from Hermann. “If I send you back, I’ll have to spend part of my vacation on paperwork… when I would much rather spend it with you.”

Hermann’s body was completely open. He had put away the only thing that could send Newton back to that hellhole, and he sat there, vulnerable, with a smile on his face for _Newton_.

He was keeping him. Hermann was keeping Newton for the week. In a few days, Newton would be free, and he wouldn’t have to touch another awful man to get there. He felt tears build in his eyes again, and he wasn’t sure if it was relief, or if it was the idea of a future where he would have to run away from Hermann. He elected to will the tears away and ignore it in favour of sprinting across the room straddling Hermann as soon as he reached him. He wrapped himself around Hermann like his life depended on it and tucked his face in the stuffy collar of Hermann’s night shirt. He didn’t breathe; he didn’t even dare.

Hermann’s arms came up around Newton as well and held him back just as tightly. He felt Hermann sigh into his hair on the side of his head, and he finally let his breath go in the form of a fluttery laugh. He pulled back, knowing the smile on his face was as genuine as it could ever get as his mind clouded with the promise of more time with Hermann. He pressed his forehead to Hermann’s and held the back of his head. “I hope you’re ready for the greatest week of your life,” He promised.

From his position, Newton couldn’t quite see the smile that bloomed on Hermann’s face, but he saw it reach those dark eyes, and heard it reach his voice. “You’ve already made it so; I can’t imagine what else you have planned.” Then Hermann bit his lip and turned his head away to hide in Newton’s bare shoulder, his nerves returning, but not nearly to the capacity they were before. This wasn’t humility anymore; it was shy modesty. “Though I do hope your plans for the immediate future involve putting your clothes back on.”

Newton laughed before he could stop himself. He moved his hands to angle Hermann’s face back to him and kissed him before he could protest-- not that Hermann seemed to have that anywhere in his plans. He kissed Newton back as if it was the most natural thing in the world, accepting those lips on his. Newton couldn’t stop smiling.

For the first time ever, he was looking forward to this-- however much of it he got to have.

~

Newton stayed awake long after Hermann fell asleep that night. It was several hours past the deadline to send him back to the service, and not once did Hermann seem to regret his decision to keep Newton in his home.

Hermann’s smiles when he was still awake had all been full and soft, and his short comments when Newton regained his composure and started being sarcastic again held no real weight and were all said in jest. ‘ _Put some damn clothes on, would you? I’m getting cold just looking at you._ ’ So, Newton had redressed, in that same crumpled t-shirt and boxers, and Hermann stood from the couch to start what he had referred to as a ‘late dinner’. Newton teased him with the worldly average of dinner being around seven in the evening, and he laughed when his following remark about Hermann being an old man in a body too young for his soul got him a washcloth chucked in his face. In the end, he helped Hermann cook some beef tips in a marinade, and they ate it over rice. Newton remarked again that it was better than any steak, and good god, was it.

Now, with Hermann asleep, the negative feeling from earlier in the day was settling into his circuits. It unnerved Newton, but he had to ignore it for now. He still had a task to do.

He moved as carefully as he could out from Hermann’s grasp after he was sure Hermann was in a deep sleep. He replaced the pillows beneath Hermann’s leg and watched Hermann’s chest rise and fall. He bit his lip and planted his hand on that chest again, feeling that heart beat reverberate through his fibers. He knew after all of this was over, that steady thrum was going to play permanently in the backdrop of his head.

He stood away from the bed and backed away to the bedroom door, watching Hermann the whole way. It was only once he’d breached the door frame that he turned away and made his way to the phone. He lifted it from its cradle and took a deep breath. He could do this. He _had_ to do this.

He dialed a number he’d had trapped in his head for a month and brought the phone to his ear. It rang once. Then it rang again. It rang a third time, and just as Newton was beginning to panic that the number led nowhere, the line picked up.

“ _Chau._ ”

The deep, booming voice road through Newton’s body like lightning. “Uh... Hannibal?”

“ _Who is this? You’d better have a good reason for having this number._ ”

“Y-You gave it to me.” Newton had to calm down. He paced the room and sat in Hermann’s armchair. “It’s me. It’s... It’s Newton.”

There was a lengthy pause. Then, “ _I’ll be damned. The prodigal bot returns. Was wondering if you were ever gonna ring me._ ”

Newton steeled his nerves. “Are we still on...? You can still-... You can still help me, right?”

“ _I’m a man of my word,_ ” Chau promised, his voice leaving a sick feeling in Newton’s system. “ _Where you at?_ ”

“Portland,” Newton forced out. “Oregon.”

There was a blood chilling rumble of a laugh on the other line. “ _See ya in a couple days, kid._ ”

Chau hung up, and Newton dropped the receiver. He squeezed his eyes shut and covered his face as a creeping feeling came over him so suddenly that it made him want to rip his skin off. It would suck, for a few moments, but eventually all the sensations would go away and he’d just be a cold proto-base again. No more ghost touches aching harder than his need to be free. No more crawling nerves that threatened to strangle him.

But he couldn’t do that. He had to sit right where he was, with Hermann, and pretend that everything was okay. And honestly, he wasn’t sure why the overwhelming feeling was that it wouldn’t be; he was about to be a free man. He was a few scant days from being on a plane to Berlin, on his way to his father, and even in the days he would have to wait, he was stuck with the fucking saint that was Hermann. Everything was going to be fine. He had no business feeling this miserable.

He reached down and lifted the receiver from the carpet. The negative feeling had settled in his bones now, and as he walked to hang the phone up properly, he finally figured out what it was. He wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t malfunctioning.

It was guilt.

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, Newt's POV is extensive.


	3. Day 2

Newton did not sleep. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t just force his processes into a sleep mode; he could do that anytime. But he really didn’t want to take his eyes off of Hermann.

Hermann had still thankfully been asleep when Newt had returned from his break down after hanging up with Chau. He didn’t react when Newt shifted his way back under the covers until he tried to place himself back where he was, curled around Hermann and keeping his leg aloft. Hermann had made the barest hint of a noise, closed his eyes a little tighter, and his arms suddenly found their way around Newton on their own. Newt had frozen, initially, to ensure further movement wouldn’t rouse him. Then, he settled, letting himself sink comfortably into the bed and pulling Hermann closer.

Hermann was affectionate in his sleep. He always kept his head turned toward Newton, and if Newton so much as brushed against his face, Hermann tried to lean into it and would snuggle the nearest warm surface of Newton’s body. It was adorable. Newton didn’t want to look away.

God, Hermann didn’t deserve this. He did not deserve the storm that was coming. It wasn’t fair. But Newton had to get away from this life. He had hated every moment up until this point, and one man being the polar opposite of all his troubles was _not_ going to be enough to stop him now.

So he used this time to memorize what it was like to be comfortable, because that hadn’t been something Newt had felt before. This is the standard that he’d be holding the rest of the world to once he finally got to see it, and once he had the choice, anything less just wouldn’t be enough.

...But would he ever find another Hermann? Surely there were more people out there as sweet as him.

He couldn’t think about that. As wonderful as things were right now, did he really have a guarantee that things wouldn’t go south? Humans lied. Even Chau had lied to an extent. He was clearly going to help him, since the contact he’d given him wasn’t fake. No, that wasn’t the lie.

The lie was that most buyers would be like Chau-- that most buyers would just have sex with him and call it a day. Chau never warned him about getting passed around. Chau never warned him that some people got rough. Chau never warned him how humiliating this life was going to be. But at least he was getting Newton out of it.

He spent the rest of the night wrestling with his own thoughts, right up until the sun was peeking in through the windows. Hours of trying to figure out how best to handle this situation, and he still didn’t have any answers. ‘Get out’ his mind said. ‘Protect Hermann’ it followed with immediately. He felt like he’d been given a paradox, and he was going to keep thinking about it until he short circuited.

He found himself wishing Hermann would hurry up and be awful so he wouldn’t have to think like this anymore. But that wasn’t fair.

Newton sighed and slowly peeled himself away from Hermann again. He tucked pillows gently beneath Hermann’s bad leg and slid over the edge of the bed, staring out the window. He had to hurt Hermann. He had to hurt Hermann to be free. But shit, at least he could try and make however long it took Chau to arrive the greatest days of Hermann’s life.

So he stood and left the room again, just as quietly as he’d entered earlier in the night. Breakfast would be a nice thing for Hermann to wake up to. Newt knew he’d love a good breakfast in bed. But what would Hermann like? “Waffles,” He muttered aloud once the bedroom door was closed behind him. “He’d love some waffles.”

~

As it turned out, Hermann had no waffle iron to speak of. But he did have pans and a stove and all of the ingredients necessary to make some pretty impressive pancakes if Newton did say so himself. He also had, much to Newton’s amusement, a small but telling collection of music on his laptop. There was plenty of Classical, because of course there was, but there was a healthy dose of modern crooners and oldies as well. Newton had found ‘The Smiths’ and ‘The Cure’ and was tickled so much he had to stifle his laughter to keep from waking Hermann up. Instead of playing that, he settled for a youtube playlist of music full of his father’s favourites.

He was a good twelve pancakes (the recipe did warn that it yielded a massive batch) and several butchered high notes into a Queen song when he spotted movement and found Hermann standing there in the hallway. “-Oh Hermann! Morning!” Hermann looked sleepy still, and Newt set the pan down wondering why on earth he’d bothered getting up when he still looked like _that_. Although, perhaps it was merely because Newt wasn’t supposed to be in here. “I hope you don’t mind, I looked up how to make you breakfast! I was gonna do cinnamon waffles, but you don’t have a waffle iron. So ya know. Reroute, did pancakes.” He hoped that the explanation would be enough, returning the spatula he was using to free the pancake from the pan and toss it onto the growing pile on a serving plate he’d found in a lower cabinet. “I hope you like cinnamon. I probably shoulda asked, but then I figured you must like cinnamon if you had it in your cupboard, right?” He gestured to the fridge. “Did you want eggs? There are some left, and I know how to make ‘em over easy.” He knew that he was rambling, but it was a defense mechanism. With enough nonsense, maybe Hermann wouldn’t have time to be upset that he’d done this without asking.

Hermann wandered into the kitchen slowly. “No, just the pancakes are fine…”

Oh thank _god._

Hermann continued. “Newton, did you do this for me?”

“‘Course!” He beamed at him and shut the heat off, pulling the pan off of it and setting it aside. No good impressions would be made if he destroyed Hermann’s cookware. “I was gonna make you breakfast in bed, but then I forgot that you don’t know how to sleep in.”

He set down his spatula and wiped his hands on a towel as Hermann laughed. It was such a lovely sound after so much stress that Newton could almost forget how terrified he was. He heard Hermann set his pills down, and he had enough time to face the man before he was suddenly encased in his thin arms. He felt Hermann sag against him with a sigh, and he gave a small chuckle in response, curling his own arms around Hermann’s middle. Fuck, this was so nice.

“Guess you’re over the nerves?” He asked, leaning in to give Hermann a good snuggle.

Hermann made a thoughtful noise. “Something like that, I suppose.” He felt Hermann nuzzle right back into his hair. “It was cold. I missed you.”

Oh.

_Oh shit._

Newton’s eyes were wide, but he still clung harder as this new information settled in. Hermann woke up because he was cold. He woke up because Newton had left the bed. Had he already grown attached to the idea of having Newton in his bed? “Oh, _Herms_ , I’m sorry man, I didn’t even think of that,” He said honestly. He really hadn’t. He should have. With as affectionate as Hermann was when he was unconscious, he could imagine what it was like to wake without that warmth all of a sudden. He made a mental note to not leave the bed without Hermann being aware of it first.

“It’s perfectly fine,” Hermann promised. “I’m quite happy with this.” He felt Hermann give a peaceful little noise.  Newton watched his hand slide down his forearm and into his own, entwining them together with a small squeeze. “We should eat. After which, I’m happy to discuss what you’d like to do today.”

Newton’s wiring felt staticky.  “What do you mean ‘what _I’d_ like to do today'?”  He pulled his hand away from Hermann’s to begin pulling open the cabinets and find plates.  He needed a distraction. “This is your vacation, dude.” He tugged another cabinet open and ‘ah ha’d’ as he pulled some plates down.  He handed one to Hermann and watched him sleepily (pensively?) pull only two from his massive (he supposed a little overzealous) pile.

“I’ve already told you this is not going to be ‘all about me’.”  Before Newton could hunt for them himself, Hermann pulled open a drawer and found the silverware.  Then, as if that statement alone hadn’t been enough, Hermann kept on talking. “If anything, I’d like you to think of this as a vacation for yourself as well. You can say no to me whenever you’d like, and we can do some things that _you_ want to do. I’m going to treat you as human as you seem.”

Newton could only stare.  He’d stopped moving and stopped breathing; he’d stopped doing _anything_ but fighting an incessant urge to drop to his knees and beg Hermann not to let him go ever.

He must have hid his complete and utter distress well enough, because Hermann only laughed. “I don’t understand how many times I have to say it before it stops leaving you speechless.”

Newton forced himself active again, shoving the overwhelming need to cry as far down as he could.  “It’s gonna floor me every time, Hermann,” He said. He busied himself in selecting four pancakes from the serving dish, not looking up at Hermann.  “When I said usually people fucked me right outta the box, I wasn’t joking. I have never had anybody treat me the way you do, and sometimes I’m not really sure what to do with it,” He admitted.

“You could enjoy it,” Offered Hermann, like it was the simplest thing in the world.  “And if there is something you do not enjoy, you ask for it to change and it will.” He gave Newton’s plate some silverware.  “Do you understand the concept of an aquarium?”

Newton took a breath, happy for the change of topic.  “Yeah. A place to keep fish and sea life that’s separate from the wild.”

“Would you like to visit one today?”  Hermann asked.

And Newton was floored again.  He had to remember what hands were and caught his plate as it threatened to tumble from his fingers.  He stared at Hermann in disbelief. Hermann wanted to take him to an aquarium? Home to many of the creatures Newton had etched into his skin?  Hermann probably only suggested it because he’d made note of the tattoos and assumed (correctly) that he had an interest. You didn’t just do that for some bot, you did that for a friend.  A partner. A _lover._

Newton yanked himself out of what was attempting to be an emotional breakdown and put his food on the counter.  “Um, a thousand times yes, abso-fucking-lutely.” He dodged Hermann’s own plate and hugged him tightly by the shoulders before he could stop himself, burying his face away in that thin neck.  This was not fair in the least. When he felt he’d successfully curbed his emotions, he pulled his head back to look up at Hermann and beam. “See that’s the shit I mean though, like who gave you the right to be a perfect goddamn gentleman?”

Hermann’s smile had never left his face, and he pressed a kiss to his nose.  “You make it very easy.”

Newton’s chest shuddered, and his smile threatened to crack his face in two.  He tilted his head in an attempt to look coy. “You pull these lines on all short nerds with tattoos?”

Hermann shied away from his gaze. “I’ve not pulled lines on anyone before.”  His head stayed low, but his eyes flicked back up to meet Newt’s. “Only you.”

Newt’s expression gave way to awe.  He tried to hold Hermann’s gaze for as long as he could, but those dark eyes eventually looked away and half lidded.

So Hermann hadn’t really been with anyone like this before.  He’d said himself that he wasn’t a blushing virgin, so he had some experience.  But watching Hermann play through the motions of being with someone--being in _love_ with someone--told him that any of his previous experience left quite a bit to be desired.  It also meant that whatever Hermann had done before, it likely wasn’t his idea. He may have agreed, but he hadn’t initiated.  Newton swallowed his nerves and made a quiet promise to himself that he wouldn’t push Hermann into anything again. Whatever happened next, he wanted Hermann to feel comfortable enough to suggest it.  And it would be a _suggestion_.  Hermann made it clear that he didn’t want Newton to ever feel pressured to say yes to everything.

But god, was he completely prepared and _eager_ to say yes.

Newton shook himself out of his thoughts when he noticed that Hermann’s smile had dropped.  He looked as if he’d thought too hard about something, and whatever that something was, it was making him sad.  Newton might even use the word ‘distraught’ and wow, was he not a fan of that look on Hermann’s face.

He leaned in and rested his forehead against Hermann’s, still looking into his eyes.  He carefully touched his cheek and ran his thumb along the sharp cheekbone just as Hermann’s chocolate eyes met his again.  “Going to a dark place there, Herms,” Newt said, letting his other hand curve behind his head and brush through his short hair.  “Wherever it is, come back.”

The smile returned, but it seemed forced.  Hermann spoke anyway. “Apologies. I suppose I should keep my mind from wandering so much. I’m usually better about that.”

“Next time it wanders, take me with you,” Newt offered, running his thumbs along his jawline.  “I don’t want you getting lost.” He leaned in and pressed their lips together. There was no force and no expectations--just a soft, pliant kiss so Hermann would feel better.  Then he pulled and moved back to his food, collecting it and a bottle of syrup, and walked to the table.

This was dangerous.  He was well aware of that at this point.  He was growing incredibly attached to Hermann in a remarkably short time, and if he wasn’t mistaken, it seemed on some level like perhaps Hermann was beginning to feel the same things.  That thought made Newton’s circuitry threaten to spark, and his stomach do acrobatics. The feeling of guilt was just going to get worse and worse as this week went on. Most of him hoped that Chau wasn’t far away so he could be rescued quickly, and he wouldn’t have to keep feeling this way.

The other part of him was growing larger by the minute hoped Chau took his sweet time.

He was a pancake and a half into his plate by the time Hermann finally sat down, taking the syrup and upturning it to empty an impressive amount onto the pancakes.  Newt laughed before he could stop himself. “Holy shit, man, you want some pancakes with that syrup?”

Hermann’s face turned sheepish, and he avoided Newton’s eyes.  “I have a bit of a sweet tooth.”

“Mm,”  Newton smirked around his forkful of food.  “So what I’m hearing is, I have to learn some desserts?”

Hermann’s nerves gave way to amusement, finally. “The way to a man’s heart, I suppose.”

The smirk grew deeper.  “German chocolate cake.”

Hermann put a hand over his chest, looking scandalized.  “Watch your language.”

And Newton laughed.  Hermann settled back into an air of ease, and Newton couldn’t help but think that this was what domesticity felt like--eating meals together at the dining room table, having slept curled around each other in bed the night previously.  Going out on little dates and learning how each other takes their coffee (maybe the whole ‘getting off in the coffee shop bathroom’ wasn’t exactly domestic), Hermann complaining at every other song Newton chose to play while he was trying to read…

Newt shook himself free of the thought and went back to planning.  Knowing Hermann liked sweets was handy. It was also intolerably cute for a man who looked like he’d never seen a sugar cube in his life.  Newt had been expecting him to be the type to drink his coffee black and tea with too much milk. He wasn’t expecting him to be the type who might steal a swipe of frosting from a cake sitting on the counter.  Newt made a mental note to learn to make cupcakes. The image of Hermann sitting with a tiny cupcake was one Newton wasn’t willing to pass up.

...What did cupcakes taste like?  He realized slowly that he only knew of most of these things by the concept alone and not experience.  He had an idea of sweet now. He hadn’t added much syrup to his pancakes, but there was enough there for him to know there was a difference between the sweet of the syrup and the sweet of the sugar he had added to his coffee the day before.  There was also a difference between his coffee and the sweetness of Hermann’s tea.

He’d mentioned German chocolate cake, but he had absolutely no idea what that would even taste like.  What did _any_ chocolate taste like?  What about vanilla? He’d also never had a fruit in his life.

He was just so…

_Empty._

He knew he’d really only had a body for a few months and it wasn’t a fair assessment to himself, but here he was pretending to be a thirty-something year old human with less normal life experience than most infants had after the same amount of time.  On the other end, he’d had more sexual experience than most prostitutes in equally as short a time. And none of it had really been worth it. The sex he’d had before this, he was barely even an active participant, barring maybe, _maybe,_  his time with Chau.  Newt had counted his lucky stars that he could simply easily force an orgasm like the client wanted, especially if they hadn’t been bothering to try and bring him there themselves.  It was a chore. He’d never really felt like it was anything but a job.

Not since yesterday.  Not since Saturday night.  God, he had been enjoying it so much since he woke up this time around.  It was like a teaser platter for the future. No faked orgasms, no forced sex.

...Hermann wouldn’t force him to do anything.  The guy would probably ask permission to kiss him deeper than a peck for years after they’d been together.  Years with Hermann-- that thought alone made his chest tighten and his functions whirr a little harder, a little faster.  How often would he want to have sex if they were really together? Newt’s assumption was that Hermann would open up more if it were real.  Messing around and getting each other off was one thing, but sex? He’d made it perfectly clear that he was reserving ‘heavily intimate’ for something more than this.  More than just a hired hand. No matter how nice he was, this was still a service Hermann had purchased, and Newt would never be someone he’d want to go that far with.

But god how great would it be if he _was?_  If Hermann was more loving as a lover than he was as a client… god, Newt could barely picture it.  Hermann seemed the type who would want as little space between them as possible. He’d run his hands over every surface he could reach, tracing the lines of Newt’s tattoos as if to etch them into his person all over again.  He’d lay on his back because of his leg, but he’d gaze up at Newt straddling his waist like he was the sea of stars above them. His fingers would ghost over the parts of his body that were sensitive; thumbs would press in a little harder to roll over his nipples until they peaked.  Maybe Newt would be riding him, and those long fingered hands would keep a gentle hold on his hips to remind him he was allowed to go slow. This wasn’t just about getting Hermann off after all, it was for both of them. But most of all, it was for Newt’s comfort. Newton would move slowly until he was coming apart at the seams, and Hermann would pull him down to embrace him as Newton’s hips snapped down to feel more of him inside him, at _his_ pace.  Hermann would probably whisper things in his ear, like how good he was doing, and asking him if he was close, and telling him how much he loved him.

Newton was halfway through his last pancake when he decided to kill that train of thought.  It was ridiculous, first of all, because there was no way it would ever happen. He also killed it because he was, much to his embarrassment, actually starting to get hard.  He was _wanting._   And that was dangerous.  He should be wanting his freedom, not Hermann.

And yet…

He saw Hermann stand in his periphery.  He must have finished eating, which made sense; he’d only taken two pancakes to Newton’s four.  But before he could ask how it was, he saw Hermann sink to the floor.

“Ah-!”  Newton gripped the table, ready to stand and help.  Had he fallen? “Hermann, are you okay!?”

A touch to his knee made his insides static and his hair stand on end.  “Don’t get up, please,” he heard Hermann say from beneath the table pane.

Holy shit.  Holy _shit._

He couldn’t move.  Was Hermann actually about to do what he thought he was going to do? _Willingly?_  “…Wuh-… Whatcha doin’ down there?”  He found his voice enough to ask, but it wobbled.  Not with fear, or nerves, but with _need_.

Hermann’s hands caught the front legs of the chair and pushed, and Newton suddenly remembered Hermann’s logical upper body strength as his chair slid backward away from the table and away from food he no longer gave a damn about.  He made a little surprised noise, but once he had Hermann in his view, he couldn’t look away. His arms were stiff as he held onto the seat of the chair. Hermann was smiling at him, looking too fucking sweet as usual. Oh, this was a good view.

“I figured, as they say,” Hermann’s hands curled around his legs, “I owe you one.”  Fingers traced invisible patterns into the untouched skin beneath his knees, eyes on the (regrettably still hard) prize.

Finally, Newt assumed, it was happening.  Hermann had been pushed past an obstacle in his mind keeping him from just doing as he wanted with Newton.  On the one hand, Newton was relieved. Hermann was finally starting down the path of being just another client.  A nice one, yes, but a client nonetheless.

And then Hermann’s gaze drifted from his covered, twitching cock to his eyes, looking soft and questioning.  “Would you… permit me…?”

 _God fucking dammit._  He was wrong again.  There was that damn autonomy promise that Hermann seemed completely determined to never break.  Once again, Newt was given the option to say no. All he had to do was open his mouth and say it.  And Hermann, perfect, goddamn gentleman that he was, would back away, probably red in the face with embarrassment for even suggesting such a thing.  All Newt had to do was say no.

But he didn’t fucking want to. “ _Please,_ ” spilled out desperately instead, his eyes never leaving Hermann’s inviting ones.

Permission finally granted, Hermann’s smile remained as he leaned up and planted his lips on the bulge between Newton’s legs, and there was no stopping the low gasp the resulted from the maneuver.  The sensation, for Newt, was completely new. No one’s mouth had ever been _close_ to his dick before, let alone on it, and the intimacy of Hermann kissing it the way he had done his cheek or his forehead or even his lips in such an innocent manner was outlandishly, unfairly attractive.

Hermann’s hands danced up his thighs and over the boxers that were still in the way, gripping the hem and pulling them down.  Newton wasted no time lifting his hips to allow them to come off completely. He’d never been so eager to be naked again. Once he was seated again, he spread his legs wide so Hermann had all the room he needed.  Those hands focused on his thighs again at first, thumbs rubbing into the skin and sending sparks up Newton’s spine. Oh, Hermann was just as good as he’d imagined, just as attentive and patient.

“You are _exquisite,_ ” Came Hermann’s soft voice as one of those fingers finally touched his aching member.  One finger became two, and then many fingers curled around his shaft, sending a chill up his spine and a hum through his whole body.  The noises he let escape were not the same forced or uncomfortable kind he was used to emitting; they were involuntary and _visceral_ , and this was so, _so_ good.

“ _Fffucking_ hell, Hermann…”  His legs trembled as he tried to hold them open.  Hermann’s hands were cold (thank you poor circulation) and it enhanced every delicate, admiring stroke the man gave him, leaving a chilly trail behind everywhere he went.  His mind was going bleary as he could barely focus on anything but Hermann’s enamoured and intrigued face and those expert hands holding his cock like it was a priceless treasure.  He watched the beginnings of his release beading at the head, and he was suddenly hit with embarrassment. Hermann had barely begun, and he was already so close.

This had never happened before.  This hadn’t even come _close_ to happening before.  He’d never felt overwhelmed or cherished in such a way, and his arms flew up to grip the back of the chair.  At some point, his hips had slid forward, and his backside was barely on the seat anymore. He turned his face away to hide it as he felt himself threatening to steam up the room, but he kept watching Hermann with one eye, unable to let the view out of his sight.

Hermann pulled his fingers away and ran one from the bottom of his cock to the head, dragging it through the liquid now dribbling down.  Newt’s eyes wanted to roll back into his head.

Hermann hummed.  “If you don’t mind me being curious, what exactly is this made of?”

Newton gave an exasperated noise.  “I _cannot_ believe you’re asking me a queh-question right now…!” He managed.

Hermann’s face grew smug and teasing, and Newton wanted nothing more than to kiss that grin right off of him.  “Perhaps I just like to hear your voice,” Hermann said, returning his whole hand to his cock and sliding its now slick palm all the way up to the leaking slit.  Newton’s hips twitched. “Won’t you ease my curiosity?”

Newton gave a shuddery sigh and tried to think.  “Suh- _hah_ -saline… and-and glucose I think? Anything I can-… pull from food or the air-” Hermann’s hand worked him a little harder, but somehow it was still like ice against his heated skin.  “ _Fuck-_ your hands are freezing…”

Hermann’s musical laugh filled the room and Newton’s head, and the blissful hand pulled mercifully away.  “I may have a solution. Could you lift your legs please?”

Newton managed a snort.  “And put them where? On the table?  What kind of stodgy Englishman are you?”  Despite this, he did as he was asked. If anything, the move gave Hermann even more access.  Newton felt even more on display, and Hermann’s gaze never once made him feel like anything but the most beautiful piece of artwork Hermann had ever seen.

Hermann smiled up at him.  “I like to think I’m a spot of fun as well.” Hermann’s lips, significantly warmer than his hands, found the inside of his thigh. “Thank you.”

Newton opened his mouth to respond, but any and all words he was planning to say were thoroughly eviscerated as Hermann lifted himself a little higher, and the whole heat of his mouth swallowed Newt.  What came out instead was a shocked, desperate, and completely _delighted_ sounding cry.  He would never be able to see Hermann’s tongue in the same light again as it carefully traced around the tip of his member, lapping up what he could of the mess Newton was making.  When Newton could finally form words again, they tumbled out fast and loud. “ _Shit! Oh_ my god, Hermann!”

Hermann’s arms weaved upward and around his spread legs, fingers now pressing into his thighs and bringing a whole new layer to Newton’s pleasure.  As the arms hugged him, Hermann’s head sank lower and took even more of Newton into his mouth.

Newton, elbows trying to close his face fully behind his arms, watched Hermann work from behind his ineffective shield.  This was _hot_.  This was just so _unfair_.  Hermann’s tongue dragged along, the tip of it pressing in just enough that it could trace the simulated veins, and Newton moaned.  Hermann was fucking _outstanding_ at this.  “Oooh _fuck_ -… You-”  His hips jerked, but he tried to will them still.  “H-Have you done this before…!?”

He saw amusement in those eyes as Hermann angled just enough to look up at him.  He stared him down as he sank just a little further, and his tongue flattened in his mouth, rubbing forward and making Newton feel every bit of it.  Newton’s legs shook so hard they rattled the entire table, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about anything on it. His hands gripped the chair so hard it was starting to creak, but he couldn’t care about that either.  His hips chased forward to try and get more of that feeling. “ _God,_ yeah you have...”  He found himself unable to gain any ground as Hermann’s strong arms held him in place for now, and he nursed his bottom lip.  “I’m so- _uh!_ \- sorry I called you stodgy…! I’ll never make that mistake aga- _aah!_ ”  Hermann’s tongue wormed its way along his shaft and effectively coerced him not into silence, but into senseless gasps and cries and holy _hell_ he was _inches_ away.

Hermann’s arms let go for a fleeting moment only to curl back around him from above, leaning over his thighs with hands tucking behind his head and tangling in the shirt he was still wearing.  Hermann sank further and further. His hips tried so hard to fight his own will to keep them still so he didn’t accidentally hurt Hermann by moving too much, but every inch Hermann swallowed, Newton’s hips arched a little harder and a little further.

His legs were shaking uncontrollably now, and Newton knew the feeling that was building within him.  He really ought to shove Hermann away, but the man’s mouth was too hot and too wonderful, and Newton could barely see through the embarrassed and elated tears building in his eyes.  “Hah-Herm-! I-…” He inhaled sharply as a wave of electricity road through him. “I’m sorry Hermann-…! O-Oh _fuck!_ ” His hips were arched far into the air before he could stop it, taking Hermann with them.

He came harder than he’d ever done before, seed thick in Hermann’s slick throat, and body overstimulated and quaking.  His vision had gone white and his head hazy as he kept bucking up and Hermann _kept on swallowing_ until it was over.

Newton hadn’t had an accurate example of the word ‘euphoria’ until just now.  His body felt full and tingly, and every breath felt like the first he’d taken in his life.  By the time he finally stopped shaking and settled Hermann back onto the ground, the embarrassment had won out again, and he kept his head tucked behind his arms.  Holy shit, he’d practically lifted Hermann off of the ground. He’d basically fucked his throat in the end, and Hermann, like a damn trooper, just handled it. Newton’s exhausted panting morphed into short apologies.  It was the best he could manage after being taken apart so thoroughly.

Hermann pulled away, as if he was savoring every inch he’d swallowed, and gave barely a cough when Newton’s cock fell free from his lips.  Newton felt Hermann slide a hand up to rest on his chest as he took deep, shuddering breaths to try and cool his systems again. “Why on earth are you apologising?”  Hermann asked, sounding amused again.

Newton swallowed against his dry throat and felt calm slowly returning to him.  “I just… couldn’t hold back,” He admitted, shivering now against the relative chill in the room compared to his overheated body.  His breathing was finally slowing. “That was-… That was-…” Amazing. Life-changing. Unforgettable.

Hermann climbed higher over Newton’s body and brought one of those scandalous hands to his face, stroking his cheek with a grin.  “I’ll take the speechlessness as a compliment.”

Newton grinned right back.  “Oh it _is._ ”

Right.  So that was what an orgasm was _supposed_ to feel like.  Duly, firmly, _enthusiastically_ noted.

The sound of a bell interrupted their quiet afterglow, and Newton’s entire, relaxed form went tense so fast that he jumped.  He stared at the door for a moment before turning to look down at Hermann. Had he invited someone over? All at once, his nerves had returned.  “Were you expecting company?” He asked, hoping he didn’t sound as suddenly nervous as he was.

Hermann, thankfully, looked just as confused as he was.  “I was not.” Hermann tried to lift himself from the floor, and gave a huff when it was clear it was painful.  “Would you- Would you mind helping me up?”

Newton dropped his legs from the table and rocked himself to stand as best he could on legs that felt like they were still rebooting.  “Yeah, definitely! Sorry, here.” He knelt down and wrapped his arms under Hermann’s, stealing a bit of a hug as he lifted him away from the floor.  He gave Hermann a look of concern. In the rush of what was happening, Newton had barely even realized the hell Hermann must have been putting himself through to stay down there.  “Why’d you even do that, man, is your leg okay?”

“My leg is fine,” Hermann insisted, his own arms holding Newton in his own, stolen hug.  Hermann looked sheepish again. “Goodness. You’re stronger than you look.”

Newt managed a smirk.  “I could lift a car, dude.”

“That is _immensely_ attractive.”

The doorbell rang again, setting fire to fewer nerves in Newton this time, and Hermann made a frustrated noise.  Newton turned in time to catch a small kiss to the side of his head. “Do find some trousers, would you?”

Newton rolled his eyes and slid carefully out of Hermann’s arms, making sure Hermann was bracing himself before he moved away.  He collect Hermann’s cane from the floor and handed it to him before doing as he was told, snatching the discarded boxers up as well.

As he opened his dock and sifted through his clothing options, pulling out a pair of skintight boxer briefs and tugged them on, he couldn’t help but keep an eye on Hermann as he approached his door.  Who could be out there? The options seemed worse and worse as they ran through his head. It could be Designer Date, and somehow they’d caught on to the fact that Newton wasn’t running the regular programming, and they’d come to take him away.  It could have been one of Chau’s men, coming _disguised_ as someone from Designer Date to take him.  It could have been Chau himself.

Or what if it was-

“Don’t you have work in less than two hours?”  Hermann’s annoyed voice interrupted his downward spiral.

“ _Aw, come on, doc!_ ” Replied another, male voice. “ _I got plenty of time, I figured I’d come see you! I miss you, man._ ”

Hermann scoffed. “You haven’t yet had a day at work to miss me by. I know exactly why you’re here.”  He reached up with a sigh and hit a button on the panel. “Do try to behave?”

Newton heard the other man give a short laugh.  “ _Best behavior, I promise!_ ”

It was a friend of Hermann’s.  Newton’s insides writhed as he tried to disguise the terror building inside him.

‘ _Hope that date company doesn’t mind I brought some friends._ ’

Newton shook away the image of a man pulling him out of his dock and revealing a room full of people ready and waiting to have a go at him.

Hermann sighed and pulled Newton back out of the memory fully.  “Would you mind answering the door when he gets up here? I need to change out of these pajamas.”

“Sure,” Newt squeaked, “Yeah, I got it.”  He forced a smile as he threaded his legs through the pants and pulled them over his bare body, shielding himself from the world once again.  He inhaled and spoke before he could stop himself. “You uh… You didn’t strike me as the type to share…”

Hermann responded by looking confused.  “Share?” Hermann’s face traveled through several more emotions.  Some, Newton couldn’t quite identify, but when it finally settled, it settled somewhere between concern and distress.  “Oh, _Newton_ …”  His voice was only one of reassurance.  “Don’t worry. I have no intentions of sharing you unless you will it.  Tendo is a friend from work.” He rolled his eyes. “A _nosy_ friend from work.  Just let him in and tell him I’ll be right out.”

Newton’s shoulders dropped as he breathed out slowly.

Of course Hermann wouldn’t let his friend come up and use him.  Hermann wouldn’t even let _Hermann_ use Newton.  What was he thinking?

As soon as Hermann was out of view, Newton shut the dock and flopped back down into the chair he’d vacated.  What a fucking whirlwind that last half hour had been. Not only had Hermann actually initiated something sexual all on his own, but he had made it completely about Newton.  When he’d lifted Hermann back off of the floor, he’d felt the beginnings of a erection pressing into his leg through Hermann’s pants, but he never _once_ even implied that he wanted Newton to do anything about it.  And now he’d just reassured him that he was safe in this home.  He was safe here with Hermann.

And yet, Newton was still leaving.

His bottom lip trembled.  “... _Fuck._ ”  He raked his hands through his hair and stood up, pacing around the room.  He had to distract himself. He had to ignore the guilt.

He’d been standing in the middle of the room when a knock finally sounded.  He took a deep, slow breath and stepped quietly to the door.

“It’s gonna be fine, Newt,” He whispered to himself.  “It’s just a friend of Hermann’s. You’ll be fine.” He put on a brave face and tugged the door open.

The man at the door was barely taller than Newt, and had a bright bow tie with matching suspenders.  The man’s smile faltered for only a second upon seeing him there instead of Hermann, and Newton responded with his own bright smile.  “Hey! Tendo, right?” He stepped out of the way. “Come on in.”

The man, Tendo, seemed to hesitate.  “Uh, yeah.” Newt watched him wander in slowly, and his eyes searched the room.  They landed on the dock in the corner, and Newton swallowed. He didn’t want to talk about what he was without Hermann in the room.  It felt like he was missing a layer of protection.

“You want pancakes?”  He asked eagerly, hoping to draw the man’s attention away from the dock.  “I went a little hog wild this morning so we’ve got extras.” He hurried around the counter, putting another wall between him and this newcomer, and grabbed the platter with the last of the pancakes, offering it toward him.  Tendo ambled over, looking cautious. Newton continued. “Might be a little cold now, but they’re still good. I’m Newton by the way. Call me Newt.”

“Nice to meet you. Sure I’ll take some pancakes.” Tendo reached over and took the plate.  Newton breathed a little in relief that he didn’t round the counter after him, and he twitched his hands as he tried to remember where the silverware was.  He snapped his fingers and pulled open the correct drawer with a laugh of success, handing him a fork.

“Syrup’s still on the table if you want it.”  Newt eyed the hallway, hoping for Hermann to walk in any moment.  “Hermann’ll be out in a sec, he didn’t look enough like a university professor from the roaring 20s, so he wanted to change.”  He fought his nerves and finally came back around to grab the dirty plates and take them back to the sink.

He heard Tendo snort.  “Have you got any idea how many cardigans and sweater vests he owns? His entire closet is an ode to stuffy academia.”

Newton smirked.  Okay, so this guy was a joker.  He turned his charm on and crossed his arms as he faced him.  “Says the guy who clearly plays piano in a speakeasy?”

Tendo blinked at him.  Then he laughed. “Fair enough!”  He admitted, taking a large bite of the pancakes.

Newton felt himself relaxing a bit more.  He turned the water on and set to washing the plates.  “So do all of Hermann’s friends dress out of era, or is it just you two?”

Tendo snickered again.  “Well, we've got another one who wears jumpsuits as a power move, pulling some mean ‘Rosie the Riveter’ vibes, so now that I think about it, yeah.  We’re all a little outta touch.”

Newton scrubbed sticky syrup away with a soaped up sponge.  “Well, my prized jacket is something out of a greaser movie, so I guess it’s nice to know I fit right in.”

“Oh, tell me you’ve got a set of too-tight bootcut jeans.”

“Got the boots too.”

“Ha!  You’re one hot rod away from greased lightning, brother.”

Newton cackled.  “I cannot believe you know that reference, dude.”

“I need you to look at my style and reassess that statement.”

Newton could barely believe this conversation.  Some strange man had met him and immediately fell into jovial small talk with him.  It felt so easy, like this was what it should be like. The only other time something similar had happened was when he’d been in his father’s systems and he met his uncle.  Illia had started out uncomfortable with his presence as well, but as soon as they started talking, Illia opened up like a book. Every day he was over after that, he greeted Jacob as family, and he greeted Newt as family as well.

This felt like the beginnings of a found family.  This felt like friendship.

Newton ran the water over the soapy plates and snickered.  “Are you sure it’s my statement that should be reassessed, and not those suspenders?”

Tendo winced.  “Ouch!” And he laughed.  “Tell me how you really feel!”

“I see you’ve acquainted yourselves already.”  Hermann’s voice flooded Newton with even more ease, the gentle tap of his cane thumping like a calm heartbeat.

Tendo turned from Newt and lifted his plate in greeting.  “Astute assessment, doc,” He seemed to tease.

Newton gave a short laugh and toweled off the first clean plate, setting it in the drying rack.  He grinned at Hermann, who flushed in embarrassment. “Doc, huh?”

Hermann’s indignity was clear, and he ignored Newton’s comment to eye Tendo.  “We are not in a professional setting, Tendo, ‘Hermann’ is just fine. Concerning that, I would prefer when we are in such a place, you call me Dr. Gottlieb, as I have asked.”

Tendo laughed again.  “Whatever you say, doc.”

He heard Hermann sigh and walk to Newton’s empty chair, sitting beside his friend.  Newton felt something sickly want to settle back into his carbon fiber bones, but it didn’t feel like it was appropriate to feel that way.  This was a really relaxing moment. Hermann was there, Tendo seemed nice and didn’t seem like he was dwelling much at all on the fact that Newt was an android.

“So,” Tendo broke the silence, grinning at Hermann over a daintily held forkful of pancake. “Please tell me that box has not been sitting there for a day and a half. Tell me you’ve let the poor thing out at least once.”

Oh.  That was why this was too easy.  Newton winced internally and kept on drying the dishes.

Hermann allowed a lengthy, confused pause before speaking again.  “Tendo, he’s been out.”

Tendo ate the aloft bite of food.  “Where is he then? Did you leave him in your bedroom?”

Hermann was silent again.  Newton bit the inside of his cheek as he finished drying the last fork.  He glanced up in time to see Hermann gesturing to him slowly, and he realized he couldn’t leave the reveal to Hermann alone.  He forced his feet to bring him around the counter into the same space as the other men. It would be fine. Hermann wouldn’t let Tendo touch him without permission.  He just wouldn’t. It would be fine. He feigned ignorance as he looked between the two friends. “Oh wait, are we talking about me?”

Tendo dropped his fork. “You’re fucking with me.”

“I assure you I am not,” Hermann said.

Tendo’s suave demeanor had all but melted away as he stood so clumsily, he almost knocked the chair over.  “How the fuck- How are you so-” His steps as he made his way to Newton were quick and light, and Newton had to fight the animalistic urge to run far, far away.  But Tendo stopped moving just short of reaching distance. He looked him up and down and turned his head only slightly in Hermann’s direction, eyes never leaving Newt.  “Okay, I gotta get in there, this is blowing my damn mind. How are you- we were cracking jokes, man, you didn’t read bot at _all._ ”

Tendo’s statement was partially to Newton, but also to Hermann.  There was an unspoken question in his words. It was a request for permission to look him over, but it was a request for permission from _Hermann_.  Newt felt his core sink.  He was an object all over again.

He turned nervously to Hermann, waiting to hear whether Hermann would allow Tendo to pry.  Hermann only looked frustrated and impatient, but when he spoke again, he addressed Newton.  Not Tendo. “He’s a roboticist, Newton, he has a professional curiosity,” He offered, his eyes softening.  “It’s up to you.”

There he was again.  Making sure that Newton got his say like a good gentleman.  Newton held Hermann’s apologetic gaze for a moment as he thought it over.  Tendo was a nice enough guy, and it did seem like he was only curious about his nature of being, and not interested at all in doing anything improper.  Newt finally gave in with a shrug to disguise his nerves and yanked his shirt up over his head to make it easier for him. “Sure, check me out,” He said, sounding aloof to the casual observer.  “But I’ve got boundaries.”

Tendo vocalized his glee and took the last few steps to Newton, looking every bit like a child who’d been told he had the whole jungle gym to himself.  Tendo’s hands were warmer than Hermann’s had been, and they were also significantly more calloused. They weren’t pushy nor were they suggestive in anyway.  They moved mechanically. Like they knew exactly where to press, where certain things should be, and how he was wired. Newt felt the fingers trace the sensors he had in his back.  Newt had always been aware that they were there, but it never felt so odd as when someone specifically point it out. When Hermann’s hands were back there, they ghosted over everything, and the lights were just a part of his back and nothing more.  To Tendo, they were the focus. “Hey, he’s got one of our charge units!” Tendo felt along his spike, as if checking its shape through his skin. “About time that place started actually using the stock we sent them.”

At some point, Hermann had stood, and he was now at Newton’s side by the counter, leaning his weight off of his bad leg.  Newton glanced at him gratefully. Had he realized that Newton was uncomfortable? Was he there to intervene if he had to?  Hermann covered whatever his motives were with curiosity. “Do they usually not?”

“Nah, they usually have an SL213 unit, which is good for like ten hours but then they gotta go back to the dock.” Tendo’s hand found his wrist and carefully lifted his arm, not letting go immediately in a silent request for him to hold his arm still.  Newton went ahead and held it aloft for him as Tendo tried and failed to find a seam in his skin.

Hermann kept talking, sounding unimpressed.  “What good would an SL213 be in his type of android?  The entire point of them is personal relations, why give them a unit that only supplies them power until the afternoon?”

Tendo’s hands paused, and Newton glanced back at him in time to see Tendo smirk at Hermann.  “Because you’re the only one that wants him to get up and make you breakfast and spend time with you.  Most people only activate them for the evening. Have you been courting him all day _and_ enjoying night time activities?”

Newton, feeling more than a little protective, and wanting nothing more than to lighten up this room now, turned a smile and half lidded eyes back to Hermann’s reddening face.  Oh, sweet, gentle, _perfect_ Hermann.  “Oh no, he’s no casanova, he’s a cuddler,” He teased, living for how the flattery spread that blush to his ears and hunched his shoulders.  How was it that Hermann was this shy and precious when he had a whole cock in his mouth less than half an hour ago?

Tendo, none the wiser of their activities that morning, sounded impressed.  “Oh _Hermann,_ that’s so damn sweet it’s almost tragic.”

“Yes, yes, enough.”  Hermann shied away from both of their gazes, but Newton never stopped smiling at him.  He was so modest.

Newton was so busy admiring Hermann’s features that he’d forgotten momentarily about Tendo’s curiosity.  His face was carefully grabbed, and he was forced to look away from Hermann and at Tendo. He blinked once as Tendo stared straight into his eyes.  “Your optics are _insanely_ realistic,” He mused, using his thumb to lift the lid of Newt’s left eye up just a little higher to see it better.  “Good color, too.”

Newton felt like a car and Tendo was checking the engine.  He blinked again when his eyelid was freed. “Uh, thanks?” He laughed off his nerves.  Nothing bad would happen. Tendo was just looking. That’s all. That’s _all_.

His head was tilted in either direction as Tendo checked his movement.  Then the man took a step back, giving Newton breathing room, and looked down at his skin, following the tattoos around to his back again.  “Near perfect skin replica, the freckles are an _amazing_ touch; Love the tats.”  His hands began their clinical wandering again, this time along his side.  “You’re missing a lot of the seams most of the other bots have, is there a reason for that?”

Newton took a slow breath.  It was just professional curiosity.  It would be fine. It wouldn’t hurt to answer at least _some_ things honestly.  “It’s a new trial tissue,” He said, which was entirely true.  It had been an alloy the Designer Date company had in back stock that had never been used in the other bots.  His limited time in the system told him exactly what it did, and he’d chosen it for himself so he could be as human as possible.  “Self repairing, cuts back on a lot of work back at DD for smaller nicks and such.”

“ _Self repair-_ ” Tendo moved in front of him again, a couple feet away, and gaped at him.  “Holy shit, you are some next level bot, Newt.” His eyes wandered around more than his hands, and Newton watched with great anticipation and fear as that gaze landed on his groin area.  Still, Tendo stayed where he was and didn’t make a move to investigate, turning instead to smirk at Hermann. “I’m not the buyer here man, but is he as realistic everywhere _else_ as he is up top?”  At least on some level, Tendo was willing to humor Newton’s boundaries.  That was a plus.

Newton watched Hermann’s bashful face grow even more red, and he beamed at him.  No way Hermann was about to admit something so crude. Newton watched Hermann’s internal struggle as he tried to find a way to answer the question without being uncouth. “H-He’s,” He started, shaky and embarrassed, “Perhaps the most anatomically accurate android I’ve had the privilege to view in his entirety.”

Tendo laughed, and somehow Newton felt even more enamoured as Hermann lifted a hand to cover his mouth as if he’d said something scandalous.  Tendo wiped a mock tear from his eye. “That is by far the most _unsexy_ way you could have possibly said that!”

Newton, thinking Tendo to be satisfied with his search, found his shirt and began pulling it back on.  He glanced at Tendo. “I dunno, dude, I’m of the persuasion that he could read from the dictionary and it’d be sexy.”  He turned his smile back to Hermann and leaned on the counter. There was a date night he was ready to plan; Hermann could read him one of those books he had on his shelf.  What would ‘Astrophysics for People in a Hurry’ sound like when whispered directly into his ear?

Tendo’s grin was almost audible.  “ _Damn_ , doc!”

Newton didn’t take his eyes off of Hermann.  Hermann, who was hiding a smile behind his hand and trying to look insulted where he was clearly feeling elation.

But of course, good things couldn’t last.  Tendo turned away from his friend and zeroed in on Newton again.  “So you are, clearly, a brand new model; I have _never_ seen anything like you before,” He said, hands at his hips.  “How many times have you been out?”

Newton pondered his answer.  Should he admit how many people he’s serviced, or just how many people actually paid for it?  He landed firmly on the latter. “About five before this if we’re talking customers.”

Tendo’s eyebrows rose. “That’s _it?_ ”  He nearly hissed, like it was something he shouldn’t say aloud.  “Are you in beta or something?”

Oh shit.  Shit, Tendo would be exactly the type of person who would know how the usual routine went when it came to newer androids.  If Newton lied about it, was that the sort of information Tendo could just look up? All of Newton’s specs within the company’s system were that of a standard model.  But if he denied it, it would be a horribly transparent lie that Tendo wouldn’t buy for a minute. “Yeah,” He finally said, as if he hadn’t been cramming an hour’s worth of panic into a second of physical time.  “I’m a beta model.”

Tendo gave him a short nod and turned back to Hermann, who looked… worryingly concerned.  “Think they sent you Newt so you could test him for bugs?” Tendo asked.

Hermann’s concern gave way to frustration again as he pursed his lips. “Would you please not speak like he’s not in the room? Honestly.”  He then turned to Newton, and those eyes grew soft all over again. “I didn’t know you were a beta model,” He shot an accusing look at Tendo, “I’ve been trying to enjoy my vacation, and being expected to test my companion for bugs sounds suspiciously like work.”

Tendo offered him only a smile.  “Gotcha covered, doc.” He then turned to Newton, smile never once wavering, and crossed his arms.  “Newton, execute protocol H17.2 and run system diagnostic.”

He had less than a second to feel terror as his body seemed to fall away.  It started with his limbs and settled through every wire in his being until physical sensation completely disappeared, and his view of the scene before him grew shaded.  His breathing, something he’d grown so used to just doing, stopped, and he had no control over bringing it back. Numbers and borders appeared in his twisted vision, and he couldn’t stop it or clear it.  He wanted to shout. He wanted to scream. He was plunged into sensory deprivation in the wholest form of the practice. He tried to open his mouth. He tried to snap out of it the way he’d read some people snapped out of sleep paralysis, but he couldn’t.

His body wasn’t listening

His body wasn’t his.

“ **System diagnostic: Android unit ‘Holiday’ class C, model 377.**

“ **Last diagnostic: 2086, March 3rd,** ” He heard himself say, but even being trapped within, it sounded far away.  Even as he spoke, the information and numbers and data tumbled over his vision.  His entire existence was there, spelled out in code.

He couldn’t move his eyes.  He wanted to look to Hermann for comfort, but his head just would not, could not move.  In his extreme periphery, he could barely make out Hermann’s face. He looked concerned.  He looked _scared._

“M̸̱̟̓̂̍͛̇́͘o̵̢͚̮̘̰̼̮̐̾̊̒̓r̸̭͓̺̬͒̏̓͘ë̵͈̘͎̠̖͚́̅̔ ̷̛̮͖͚̈́͌̊͛̚ͅt̵͕̜͇͈̱͓͊̐̋͝ḧ̷̞̤́ȃ̷̗̹̟̤͊n̵̻͖̖̈̿̋͒͜ ̸͔̠̪̼̗̣̊̈́̂͛̅̚ā̶̡̨̨͚̳̝̤͑̅̅ ̴̡̥̳͈̐̉̈͑̃̕m̸̢̛͇̞͒̋͐̈́͘͜o̸̼͌̀n̴̦̳̻̾̑̏̂t̵̢͑̇͠ḥ̶̓͝ ̸̡͙̮̗̝̠̏͝a̷̡͓̱̜̹͊͜g̴̩̥̈͝o̶̜̼̻͕̖̭̰͂͆̄̔̐̒?̸̨̥̆͗̿̓̉̒͜ͅͅ”  Tendo sounded distorted, and Newton could barely see past the data as he retrieved a chair and sat down. “T̴̤̰͎̀͆̌̾̓̚h̵͙͍́̄̇̾a̸̛͒̐̈͊̕͜t̷̢͓͓͊̽̉̈̀’̶̭̇̐̇̉̈s̵̨̭͇̮͉͕̑͐͛̈́̂̀ ̴͔̥͈͌̈â̴̛͙̱̓́̆̄ ̷͍̟̬̏͗̈́̕ẇ̶̧̈́h̵͎̩͐̿͐ͅi̸̞̲̔̈́̋̈́̄l̸̛̠̬͆̈́͠e̶͖̠̞͑͌̇̀̂ͅ ̷͔̦̾̓͐̅f̸̞͈͇̙̥̳͈͊͊̓̕ọ̸͇̥̫̺͎̖̿̾́̏̈́̌r̵̤͙͔̼͇̃̂̋̽͆̕ͅ ̴͈̝̜̯̱́̉͠s̷̫̏o̵̡̳̪̼͝m̸̧̛̹̻̭͓̍̓̅̕͝ě̴̼̦͕͓͙̳̈́͗̆̍̿̃t̶͕͖̻͉͒͜h̶͙̔̎͜i̷̢̛̹͖̗̳n̷̤͚͛g̵̖̪̱̥̗͑ ̷̢̝̹͇̠̬̂͌͐̔̄͝i̷̢̖̼͈̥͈̗͐͑̈́͠ň̶̢͈̫̰͈̏̕ ̶̛̬̩̈́̒̓̓ḅ̴̡̜̯͔̯͑ë̶̤̭̹͉̇̎͜t̶͇̠͐͊̓͘a̴̛͖͍͎̮͉͍̺͑̀,̷̦̱̩͇̫̃”

Tendo spoke again, but somehow the next words came in clear, almost booming.

“ ** _Date of first activation?_** ”

It was a command.  “ **2086, February 24th.** ”

Newton wanted to cry.  He wanted to swing his arm and punch Tendo in the face, or climb behind the nearest object and hide away, but he couldn’t move.

He couldn’t breathe.

He felt like he was drowning, even though that was impossible for him to do.

“W̶̧͐̂̾͠h̵̘͆̈́̊̄̌̔o̵͓̬̼̙̣̤̎̾ǎ̶̰͇.̶͇͚̣̱̩͊ ̷͍̾͑̿͆͊̌̚T̴̮͂́͋̊̚ḥ̷̛̤̝̭̄͗a̵̳̩̯͈̬̍͋̑͂t̸̛͖͑̀̏’̷̲̋s̴͍̫͇̫̼̳͘ ̵̞̈́̀̏̈́w̵̯̬̌̇͘̚ȩ̵͚̹̩̖̠́̒͐͌͝ͅi̴̙̘̮͈͍͘͜͜r̴͍̬̳̀̃͗̂͆͐d̸͖̹̩̉̇̍͗͛.̶̻̼̂͆̎”

“W̵̖̆̊h̶͙̗̠̘́a̸̛̖͔̭̭̭̱t̸̥̔ ̶̡̨̫͎̖͚̀̔i̷̦͖̰̪̩̲͔̿́̏s̸̲̣̔̉͑?̴̢̧̩͑̓̌́̾͠”

Oh god, he couldn’t make out what Hermann was saying.  He was trapped away from his only source of comfort.

“H̷̛͎͑̓̉͛͝͠ȋ̶̡͎̼̻͖̱̃̕s̶̛̻̯̄͊̑̔̏̌ ̵̡̟̅̿̓͆ļ̵͈̹͚͔̥̯͐ǎ̸̳͓̱̪̪͐̆s̴̤̳̱͈̽̈́t̸̠͓̖͖͛ ̶̼͖͒̉d̴̙̐̂͑ĩ̵͚͔̭̀̆̒̈́͝a̷̡̪̤̩͎̭͂͊̈́̋́ͅg̶̜̪̭̜̥͍̦̓̿͐n̵̯͈̠͖̐̈͜ó̴̜̑̄̄̈͊͝s̸̡͙̣̤̃̑ț̷̜̦̻̑͐̓̽i̸̧̘̬̦͒̕c̸̡͔̱̗̱̝͙̀ ̶̪̻̫͓̟̝̊̈͆́̈́̊w̷̡̙͉̲̏͂͆̈́̒͜a̵̛̝̫͑s̶̼̾̈̑͆͠ ̵̪̞͖̺̲̜͆̅̃͒͘͝a̷̢̧͔̝̞̬͌̒̍ ̴̢̛̻̱̮͍̱̅́̿̅͝w̵̜̰̺̣͈͂̏́͆̀̌͜e̸̤͉͕̭͚̠̿̑e̵͚̭̱̖̘̦͙͐̋̿k̴̭̻̬̰̤̘̿̌͛͊͜ ̶̭̲̞̲̑̏̐͐͛a̸͍͌͐̎̕ͅf̴̮͚̬̤̐̋̐͋͜t̶̨̨̯̱̖̠͐̈́̉̂͐̈́͠ͅė̷̼̝͕̥͍͇̾̐̒̚͜͠r̴̰̲̭̐̉ͅ ̵͙̜̔̽̎̈̓̚h̷͔̗̝͚͎̃̑͒i̵͖̹̪͈͑̎́̽s̵̜͇̄͋̎ ̷͕̘̞̝͑̓f̸̫̤̥̮̉ḯ̵͍̠̓̒̽̔̚r̴͖̗̳̳͈̈́͒̏͂͛͘͠s̸̢̺̹̝̒͗̔͊͘̚͜͠ţ̷̡̡͐̍̈ ̴͇̺̯̼̖͓̈ā̵̮͕̩̗̻͂̕͝ͅͅc̸̮͂̑̉͊̕͝t̴̡̡̥̼̬͈̏͋̑̈́i̷͕̋̈́͠v̴͍̬̜͐̇á̸̮͕̯̠̘̉͂̌̆̀͒t̷͓͐ȋ̷̻̮̻̜͔̬̑̒̇̍̅̿o̴̰̔̐ṇ̶͛͛͆͛̅͆,̵̧̀̍̂̋̈́̄ ̴̨̙͓̬̻̩̈ͅẉ̴̣̟̥͓̈̃́h̵̡̗͖̝̹͖̊̕i̵̳̗̳̽̅́c̴̭͚͍̟̿͂̾͗̏͠͝ḩ̴̛̻͎̩̞͌̋̍͑͘ ̵̛͚̰͚͈̼̺̈́͆̿̂̽̕͜ḯ̸̩͖͇̻̣͖͑̀̍̅͝ͅs̶̡̳͓̹̆̐̌̕ ̶͙͔̾͊̚p̶̳̃͌̃r̴̮̬͂e̴̛̳̠͖̜͜͝t̶̼͈͋ṯ̴̻̓̈̄̚ẏ̶̨͐̄̓̒͝ ̴̦̞͎̥̠̀͂̇̔͘͠ş̷͕̞͉͎̩̓̑̊ͅt̸̡̯̬̓̌̍͜ḁ̸͈̌̍̎̊n̷͙̤̟̭͓̂̈͌͌̚d̵̰̼͓̺͔͉̄ͅą̷̧̬͓̻̉̓͛̉r̸̛͙̮̬͔̤̯̲̋̌ḋ̶̹̼̲̤͓͊ ̵͙͈̞̎̚f̵̣͇̳̓̐̉͜͝ö̵̢͍̦͔̟́̃̈̀͝͝ṙ̸̟͚̊̕͝͝͠ ̶͙̑͒͊͋ͅr̸̼̼̖͐̎ę̷̛͉͇̟͔̀̂̆̅͝p̶͙̭̣̔̚͘͝ė̴̠͈̭͓͌͌͊̋͝ạ̷̪̖̜̠̈́͌̔̈́̅̚ţ̷̙̜̫̙̺͑̌͗͗̂̈́ ̶̨͇̠̎̿ü̷̡̬͙͎͚̋̉ṉ̴̡̰͝ͅḭ̵̟̎̓ṯ̷͌̊̍͘ş̵̛̩̜̍͐,̶̣͗̐̈́͠ ̶̛̮͕̈́͂̀̕̚̕b̷̘̗̫̅̊̌͝ü̶͚̣͙̿̇ṱ̸̢̅͒̔͐̐̔ ̶̗̗̈͆̔͐͗̕n̶̥̩̼̪̎͗͠ǫ̷̱̪͑̅̔̈́̚̚t̴̗̲̿̆̍͑̎͑ ̵̧͌f̶̨̢͉̦͎͍̉͆͑̂ơ̵̩̣̗͔̞͐̇r̶̡̩̣̙̅̚ ̵̰͖̆́̚s̴̢̫̫̫̏̽̏͛ǫ̵͔̻͔͓̲͋͐m̷̝͖͙͈͍̹̳͘e̸̘̟̪̿t̸̛̪̦̜̘͕̔̂̑ḩ̶̲̹̅̍̑i̶̛͈͔̗̓̈́͋̿͑̕n̷̝͉̮̘͚̹̾͑̐̂̑̿ġ̴̟̺̬̲͠ ̴̺̟̍͛͗̎̌ͅỉ̶͙̝́̎n̶̝̍̋͂̓͝ ̴̭̿̃̑̌̈́̄̏b̵̗̞̻̘̌̍̽̈́̌̌͜ẻ̶̯͔̗t̴̛̹͔̯̠͑̄̓͝a̴͔͌̿̈́̋̃̌.̶̦̱̫̓ͅ ̷̧̠̦̝͊̓̓̄̿͊͝ͅ ̶̡̞̝̘̥̬̎̐͗̕B̶̨͎̙̞͓̤̊ͅȩ̵̟͚͍̜͍͓̈̿͝t̷̛͎̮̗̟̯͂̈́͘a̶̺̐̎͊̊̒̄ ̷̛̝̼͚̯̉̋u̸͓͔̳̘̳̝̓͂͜͝ṅ̵̡͙̙͚̺̘̆i̶̧̹̘͓̣̽ͅt̶̠̦͒̊̏͛͐š̴̢͓̜͔̫̀̋͊̔̾͂ ̴̳̟̪͙̮͍̿͌͋̿͝͠s̷̲̯̥̏h̷̠̜̘́ō̵͕̼̳̤̦̈́ų̷̲̖̰͂̍̍͗l̸̡̛͛́d̸̼͕̾̉̚ ̶̤̮̘̑́̋͐g̸͚̥̔͌͒͘͘͝e̵̫͔͎͉͇̼̓͛͋̿̃͜t̴͙̙̹͕̞̒̇̈́́̐͂ ̵͖̤̭̉́̾a̷͓͉͉̍̽̊̉͑͗͜ ̴̙͚̗̺͗̎ḍ̵͓͓̻̲̱͓̄̈́͠i̴̼͍̚a̴̤͇͂ğ̴̜͍̲n̷̙͋̈́̓̚o̸̻̻̩̫̱̗̜̔̿͑͂s̶͙̠͍̋̍̍̅̌̌͝ț̴̡̼̪̻̟̓i̴͙̞̽c̸̝̘̱̭̐̑͊̄͋ ̸̝̗̿̈́e̷͈͍̜͂̍̆̌v̶̬̮̘̳̩̄͆̐̎ͅͅe̷̡̝̬̰̖̪̋̍͆ŗ̵̛̹̝̩͓͚ỷ̸̠̘̱͈ ̸͈̅͛̀͛c̷̼̎̅̐͆o̵̱͉͋̈́͌̀̓͘̚ù̷̲͚͆͂p̸̧͍̰̬͕̞̦̎̚l̷̡͔̘̰͉̟̲̋̑͗̾e̸̡̯̓̕͝ ̵̢̥͔̓ỏ̶̤̟̥̮̤͜͝f̸͖͒͊̂͆̐͜͝ͅ ̴̰̯̉̋̈d̴͍͒̕ä̶̟̳́͋̒ÿ̸͚̙́̔̓ͅs̶̨̛͈̖̲̍̒̕͝.̵͇̪̻̗̯͂̾͊̃̈́”

“M̷̮̊r̴̡͖̲͖͆͛͐̔̌.̸̗̣͚͂̅͐͗̽͘͘ ̵̮̱̳̖̟̂̃̿̊͝͝Ĉ̷͇̺̗͌̌̆̓̓́h̵̤̩̖̩̣͆̆̆̾o̷̮̹̙̗̼͗̈̅̈́ͅi̵̧̨̭̼̥̦̫͒͆̚,̴̨͓͔̮̭̣̂̆̇͆͜ ̸̙̗̥͙̤̋̈ĩ̷͚̤̍͜f̴̳̗̲̈́ ̷̝̔̀̊̀̎̌͠y̴͚̲̻͗̈̽̚͜͜o̶̯̿͋͗͘͝u̵̡̩̞̳̓͝ ̴̡̤͍̤͉͓̤̏̌̽̊͘̚̕w̸̧͓̲̎͂̋͒͑̋ö̷̅̄̾̾̔ͅṳ̷͉͖̖̃͜l̵̟̭̖̲̈́͒̐́d̵̾̆̄̀̊͜͝ ̵̹̬̻̾͋̾̔h̵̜̪̖̓̆̀͘ū̴̖͎͒̾͝r̶͕̮͙͔͙̐͝r̶͓̼̝̪̿͒͋́̈y̶̢̛̼̣̹͌́̈́̏͝ ̸͍̬̳̗̼͔̱́̐̊̌̀̉ţ̵̭̉̇̋̾́͘͜ḩ̵̩͛̓̊̒̓ȋ̴̱͇̺̾̍̚͝ŝ̷̯̬͚̳͉ ̴̯̠̻̪̦̰̏̋̕à̶̪̄̀̾̂̐l̵̨̮͇̝̅͋̒o̷̖̝̊̏̕͘n̸̨̥͇̲̳̪̟̾͛̓g̷̞̱̐̏̈́̓̊,̵͎̹̥̲̒͒̽͝͝ ̶̜͒̈́͆̂̍͐͝Ì̴̙͕̭͙̑͐̋͝ ̶̢̖̦̤̣̥̓̎̚d̴̡̡̛͍͈̙̖̈́̉͛ọ̷͔̘͚͗́̇͑̒n̶̨̟͉̹̣̮̔’̶̡̨̝̌t̴̢̛̲͒̐̐̍͐̎͜ͅ ̶̡̪̰̖͖̍͑̽͗͘͝l̵̡͆̈́ͅḭ̴̝̞̺͗͋̓k̷̩͍͍̩̭̩̥͑͑͆̍͋e̴͇̩̾͌͋͝ͅ ̶̹̜̹̤̥̭̉̉͐̐̚s̷͕̜̋͆̔̂͐͝ę̷̛̲̬̟̼̏͆͑́ͅę̵̛͕̗͚͎̂͋̃̈̔͘ī̶̬͓̦̥̑n̸̡̓̃ġ̷̡̳͍̩͕̙ ̸̩̖̈́h̷̘͓̻̘͙̤́͝͠i̷̢̨͈̗͈̮̭͑̊̂m̸͈̫̭͔͙̐͊͊̋͝ͅ ̴̧̜͖̖̮̣̃̈́̓̚t̸͉͔͈̖̪̤͙̔͛̇͠h̸̢̞̯̫͔̭͇̐i̸̩͔͗s̵̙͕̻͈͛͑̎̋̏ ̸̜̰̱̄̒w̴̫͈͐̒̾͋̚ā̸̜̠̳̯̻̩̼̔̉y̶̪̣̫̾͐̓́̽.̴͉͒͐͋”

He wanted to know what Hermann was saying.  He could tell it was his voice but every semblance of understanding was gone.

It was all gone.

 _He_ was all gone.

“ ** _Last software update._** ”

“ **2086, March 17th.** ”

He had to get out.

“ ** _CPU functionality._** ”

“ **100%.** ”

He had to get _out._

“ ** _Memory functionality._** ”

“ **100%.** ”

He couldn’t see.

He couldn’t breathe.

He couldn’t _feel._

“ ** _Hardware functionality._** ”

“ **100%.** ”

He was just data.

“ ** _AI model and unit integration percentage._** ”

“ **Geiszler model: N.  Unit integration 100%.** ”

_He was nothing but data._

“…̷̡̻͉̦͌̄̃͛̊̔͋N̶̛̜̓̒?̵̺̺͌̌̒̆̋̓͘ ̵̥̏̆̍̃͑T̸̖̗̗̤̼̔̍͝h̶̖̱a̸̦̐̈̅̃͆t̴̳̗̻͛’̸͔̹͛̿̅̌͠s̵̡̜̗̿̾͗̔̆̅͝ ̷̹̏͊̈̀n̶͌̔͂̆̚͜o̸̼̖̥̗̬̙̯̿t̷̞̬̹̠̬́̓͐̇͘ ̸̛̙̹̈͐̿͛e̴̺̭͖̬̠͔͛̓̋̽͋̋v̷̛̗̮̙̉͌e̶͉̰̮̅̃̓͠n̶̟̥͙̯̈́͆͐̿̉͝͝ ̴̨͇̜̿͘͝a̴̳̻͖͒̎̄̽̍͘͝ ̵̲̠͝c̶̨̘͓͛̍̉̆̈̋̚o̴͉̟̺͇̗͑́̄͛̐m̴̡̠͇͕̰̮͆p̷̛͚̘͙̬̲̝̍̈͗͌͝͝l̵͙̈́̈́́e̷͖̙͈͒̈́͐̎̾̑t̸̝̑̓ȅ̵̬̙͔̗̄̄̿͊͗ͅ ̴͍̻̮̺͌̒͊ḿ̴̢̬̝̼͈̮̍̒͑ọ̴̅d̸̢̼̰̥̱̉̓̏͜ȩ̵̼͖̠͕̳͌͘ͅḻ̵̘͖̻̗̋ ̷̡̮͇̮̝͉̦̈́͝n̷̼̰̙̯̒̑̉͛u̷͍̼̠̿̕͠m̶̹̝͗̂̇̄̑̍͘ḅ̷̢̛̙̱̙̒̍ͅe̸̢̼̹̜̬̅̾̀̃̇̉̏r̶̡̰̣̰̰̆͋͒̌.̸͈̗̮̣̠͗”

“ _M̴͔̙̩̙̮̰̐̓̔̆r̸̥̙̣̐͋̋̑̿̂̚.̷̲̋́͝ ̶̧̢̯̿̈́̿C̶̥̪̭̯͑̑h̶̬̲̺͋õ̶̥̪͍̮̻͛͂̽͒ȉ̸̼̯̪̣̻̮̣̋-̷̧̙̃_ ”

“S̸͈̘̞̥͕̊̏̀̔͜o̶͙̖͙͍̩̍͜͜ṙ̶͇̥̫̪͇͌͛̀ͅr̸͎̗̞̤̹̲̃̆̍͋̽̊͝y̶̙̓̄̓,̴̨̬͚͖̺̑ ̴̘̤̮͕̔̐̊̂s̸̡̫̼͉͓̍̄̏͌͐̎o̵̻̹͇̻͊͒̋̏͌͘r̵̮̫̓͋̋r̴̢͈̟̝̟̟̘̈́̓̈̕y̵̝̼̻̘͕̺̝͊̿.̴̡̤̟͈̲̥̦̊̃͆͘”

“ ** _Finish system diagnostic._** ”

“ **Run defrag?** ”

He wasn’t real.

“ ** _No._** ”

He would never be real.

“ **Run virus scan?** ”

He would never be human.

“ ** _No._** ”

He would never be enough.

“ **Reboot AI Geiszler model: N?** ”

“ ** _Yes._** ”

The data cleared from his vision, and his eyes shut him away from everything.  For nanoseconds, he was in complete darkness. He felt nothing and saw nothing and _was nothing_.

And then, all at once, everything slammed back into him.  The floor crash back beneath his feet, and he felt every molecule of air dance over his skin, and his panic to try and breathe was finally answered by his ventilation system gasping in as much air as possible to breathe movement back into his chest.  His eyes snapped open wide, afraid for a moment that he would see nothing but data and unfocused images again. He stumbled away from Tendo in terror, _agony_ , and caught himself against the counter, relishing the simple feeling of the hard surface beneath his twitching fingers.

And then Hermann.  Oh god, he could feel Hermann at his side, holding his arm and dragging him slowly out of his panic.  He was just short of hyperventilating as he let his gaze land unhelpfully on the ground. He couldn’t look at Tendo.  He couldn’t look at _Hermann_.  He swallowed hard against the emotions that were now freely trying to well in his eyes.  “C-could-” He tested words again, shaky as his throat constricted like it wanted to do nothing but scream.  “Could you not do that again, p-… please?”

He felt Hermann pull him closer and curl an arm around him.  He was protecting him, Newt realized, the only way he felt like he could protect someone from something that had happened inside of them.  Hermann held on tight and turned to Tendo. “I think you might be late for work, Mr. Choi,” He said, soothing his fingers against Newt’s shoulder.  “Shouldn’t you be on your way?”

“Uh…”  Tendo sounded just as shaken as Newton was.  “Yeah.” Tendo shifted slowly into his line of sight, and Newton would at least give him that he looked like he’d felt bad for what he’d done.  It really wasn’t Tendo’s fault. He didn’t know what he was dealing with. “Sorry about that, brother, I didn’t-… I didn’t think,” Tendo admitted.  God, Newton just wanted him to _go._  “It’s just what I do, ya know, it’s my job. Run diagnostics, check machine functionality-”

“It’s fine,” Newt managed, the reply coming out sharper and harder than he’d meant.  He purposefully angled his eyes away again.

Tendo stood up straight and out of his view.  He was quiet for a moment. Then, he sighed. “Hey, I’ll call you later okay? Sorry to intrude.”  Newt heard Tendo lift his plate and walk a wide arc around the two of them to deposit it into the sink.  His steps led him toward the door and stopped just short of it. “Amazing to meet you, Newt.”

Newton didn’t move or speak.  He said nothing as the door opened, and _still_ nothing as it closed again, and he was safe.  He was alone with Hermann again and everything was going to be okay.

“Newton-… _Newt_ , look at me.”  Hermann’s hands were on his cheeks an instant later, guiding his face to look up at his concerned, dark eyes.  Newton, now hyper-focused on everything he could feel, felt a tear escape his eye, but he didn’t do anything to stop it.  Hermann’s thumbs brushed his face. “Are you all right, darling?”

Fuck, he had to stop freaking out.  He pulled his face back an inch if only to clear his eyes of unshed tears and to try and shake himself out of his stupor.  He didn’t want Hermann to worry. He _shouldn’t_ be worried.   _Newt_ shouldn’t have been panicking this much; this was supposed to be routine.  “Yeah, I-… Yeah. I’m fine,” He lied, but he was still so emotionally fragile that it didn’t appear Hermann bought it at all.  Newton bit his lip and shrugged weakly. “Okay, I’ll _be_ fine, I’m just… I’m not used to that. Diagnostics,” He admitted.  And he wasn’t. He knew he’d gotten the checks done before, but they were all the ones that happened while he was unconscious, and they also were all the ones he’d set programmed responses to.  His entire existence was a lie after all, and whatever information Designer Date had gleaned from their preliminary and mandatory diagnostics were all fabricated from codes Newton had put in place to protect himself.  He’d never planned for on-demand diagnostics. He’d never expected it to happen.

He tried to keep his breath steady as he ducked his head.  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was in beta.”

He was suddenly yanked into a deep embrace.  Hermann held him like he was trying to squeeze all of that terrifying moment out of his memory.  Newt fought the urge to cry again. “No, Newt,” Hermann whispered into his hair. “You need not apologise for anything. Beta or not, I would not have you any other way.”  Hermann’s hands found his shoulders and ran up and down his arms as he pulled back enough to look him in the eyes and offer him a calming smile. “Would you like to get ready for the day?  Or do you need a moment?”

Newton flinched.  Outside. Outside where there were other people.  People like Tendo, who didn’t know any better, and who knew what they would do if they somehow found out that Newton was an android?  More curiosity. More poking and prodding. More feeling like he didn’t belong. More feeling… _wrong_.  Newton glanced at their feet.  “Would you-… Would you mind if we stayed in today…?”  It felt taboo to even ask. Sure, he had Hermann’s word that he could ask for anything, but in practice, it still felt like this wasn’t something he should be doing.  “I know you wanted to go to the aquarium, but I’m really not-…” He trailed off. This sounded stupid. It didn’t make any sense for a simple diagnostics to throw an android off so much.  An android wasn’t supposed to have this much of an emotional response to anything without prompting.

If he told him how he really felt about the outside right now, he’d look and sound suspiciously human.  Hermann would know, officially, that something was up. Newton screwed his eyes shut and made an internal agreement with himself to just deal with it.  Just like he had been. Hermann had allowed him to be so vulnerable, he was forgetting what it was like to hide it. “It’s stupid,” He finally said. “I’m sorry. We can still go, I’ll get my boots.”  With a sigh of resolve, he went to walk to his dock.

But Hermann’s gentle hand on his arm didn’t let him get far.  “Newton,” He admonished, taking a step toward him instead of just pulling him back, which would have been easier.  Hermann’s eyes glowed with something sympathetic and _lovely_ , and Newton felt his breath hitch in his throat.  “We can absolutely stay in today. The aquarium trip was planned for you, not me.  We will go when you’re feeling up to it.”

Newton angled his body back to Hermann, barely taking in the kind words.  He would be all right with just staying in…? “You sure that’s okay?”

Hermann’s smile grew brighter, and Newton felt like he was home.  Outside was unfamiliar and cold, but right here, with Hermann, everything was okay.  “You’re giving me an excuse to curl up in bed with you and not think about what’s outside,” Hermann mused, smiling growing innocently impish.  “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Mr. Geiszler, but I am a bit of a social recluse. You are doing nothing but enabling me.”

Newton felt laughter fill his chest, and with it, that same, warm static.  He felt his shoulders finally relax. “I am known to be an enabler.” He ran his fingers up the fabric of Hermann’s shirt like it was the most natural thing to do.  Feeling more like himself and less in a state of existential doom, he gave Hermann a grin. “Are you going to get back into those matching PJs or are you trying to nap in a belt?”

Hermann faltered, but not in any negative way.  Newton watched him grow embarrassed and red. “…Actually, I was thinking I would… lie in my undergarments. I’ve never slept as such, but I imagine it’s very freeing.”

Newton felt that warm static dance over his skin.  “Ooh, not nearly as freeing as sleeping naked,” He said, leaning in close and curled his arms around Hermann’s waist.  His fear was ebbing now, and it was replaced with relief and something much, much more intimate. He tilted his head. “Maybe we could try that some time.”

Hermann seemed to relax just as much as he had, hands resting on his shoulders, cane leaned against the countertop.  He was still blushing, but it only colored a smile. “Let’s cross that bridge when we come to it.”

When.  Not if.  Newton could walk on a cloud if he tried, he was sure.

Hermann led Newton back to the bedroom, and Newton happily shucked his shirt again, into Hermann’s diligent hold as the man folded it (and everything else that was stripped away) and set it aside.  Finally, they were both down to skivvies, and Newton could make out every sharp bone in Hermann’s body. He wanted to run his fingers over every angle and memorize those sharp turns. As Hermann moved toward him, leaving his cane behind by the wall and his silenced phone on the bedside table, Newton realized he wouldn’t have to wait long.  Hermann’s arms curled around him, and his eyes locked with Newton’s. Newton let his hands run over Hermann’s bare shoulders and started his mental map of Hermann’s body with those beautiful collar bones.

He wasn’t sure who kissed who first, but in the end it was irrelevant.  They had made their way into the bed, settling down into the pillows, wrapping around each other until there was no mystery between them.  Hermann’s lips were always soft as they moved against his own, and his hands drew in soothing motions wherever they landed.

Somehow, despite being flush together everywhere, there was no sexual drive to take it any further than this.  Hermann’s lips moved from Newton’s to his cheeks. Then they pressed against his closed eyelids and his forehead and his hair.  And then Newton found himself tucked under Hermann’s chin, buried in the deep angle of Hermann’s thin, beautiful throat.

It felt like they’d been making out for hours, and now Newton was perfectly content never moving from this spot.  Hermann was safety. Hermann was home away from home. Hermann was completely perfect and never once gave him a reason to think otherwise.

This made the guilt worse, of course.  He’d been waiting for Hermann to give him one reason-- _any_ reason-- to justify abandoning him at the end of all of this.  But there was nothing. Hermann was just a good man that Newton had to hurt in order to gain his freedom.  Newton ducked his face further into Hermann’s neck and let out a shuddery sigh.

“Was it very bad, my dear…?”  Hermann asked, the voice humming through Newton’s body as well as his own.

Newton leaned back and glanced up at Hermann.  “Was what bad?”

“The diagnostics.”  Hermann’s hands stayed behind his head, fingers carding through the hair at the base of his neck.  His gaze was apologetic. “It was like you’d come out of a horrible nightmare when it was over.” He glanced down and rested his head against Newt’s.  “You don’t… have to speak of it, if you’d rather not, I… I’m just worried for you and want to know what I can do.”

Newton’s throat felt tight again.  He bit his lip and sighed softly, running his fingers over the peaks and valleys of Hermann’s ribs.  He’d have every curve of this man’s body in his head before this week was up. “No, it’s… it’s okay.”  He fumbled with the words. How did he explain something like nonexistence to a man who’d done nothing but exist his entire life?  “A, uh… A nightmare’s a good way to put it. Like when you’re in bed and you can’t move.” He took a shaky breath. “It’s… It’s worse than that though.  Being in that state is-- it’s like losing everything…? I dunno how to describe it.”

Hermann, stroked his cheek with his thumb.  “Take your time. It doesn’t have to make sense to me, just to you.”

Newt squeezed his eyes shut again.  He wrenched them open and looked back at Hermann.  “You know like, pins and needles?” He offered. Hermann nodded.  “That numbness that happens just before, it… it’s like that but worse.  I can’t feel anything, I can’t _move_ anything… No touch, no taste, I didn’t even have a mouth anymore, I _barely_ had eyes, and I-”  He snapped his mouth shut and his eyes followed suit.

Hermann held him tighter.  “I cannot imagine what that must be like for you.”

Newt inhaled slowly.  “...What does it feel like to die…?”  He asked weakly. “I think it’s… something like that.”

Hermann’s eyes widened only just.  Horror built behind his eyes and made them water.  Hermann grew blurry--

Oh.   _Newt_ was the one who was crying.

Newton squeezed his eyes shut and ducked his head.  “Dammit… _Shit,_ sorry, I-”

He was silenced against Hermann’s shoulder.  Hermann had pulled him in as tight as he could and would not let go.  Newt shivered in the hold, arms curling around Hermann right back in return.  His own eyes were wide, and there was no stopping the tears now. Stupid emotional cues.  Stupid inability to keep himself in check. Stupid Hermann for being so _damn_ perfect and loving.

A sob shook his body, and thus Hermann’s as well.  Hermann nuzzled into the side of his head and gently soothed back his hair.  “Don’t apologize, Newt… Never apologize for fear. That was a horrible thing you were forced to endure, simply because we do not understand what it means to live the life you do.”

Newt’s mouth trembled against Hermann’s pulse as he let his dull nails curl into his fists so he didn’t scratch at Hermann’s skin.  ‘Live’. Hermann still believed that Newton lived. He’d watched Newton turn into the very thing he tried to pretend he wasn’t, and still, somehow, Newton had a life to Hermann.  The diagnostic was not a ‘standard practice’ Newt should just deal with because he’s a machine. It was a ‘horrible thing’ that Newton was ‘forced to endure’, and Hermann didn’t agree with it.

Hermann was a fucking saint.

Newt’s sobs waned slowly.  Hermann’s words of comfort never stopped, and they also never once shushed him.  They simply soothed and calmed and expected nothing. Hermann let him weep until the memory of feeling like nothing was at the back of his mind.  In Hermann’s eyes, Newt felt like something. He felt like somebody, and _god,_ did he want to be somebody.

He finally sniffled and pulled away, scrubbing at his eyes and turning his head away into the pillows.  “Wow. Ha-” He inhaled once more, sharp, and swallowed against more emotions. “Sorry about that. I don’t-…”  He groaned into the pillow. “Must have been a, uh… malfunction.”

Hermann made an amused noised, and Newt peeked at him from just over the pillow.  Hermann had arched an eyebrow at him. “Newton, don’t try to explain away feeling something strongly.  Just as you shouldn’t apologize for feeling. Or apologize for _being._ ”  Hermann leaned over and pressed a kiss just under his ear.  “Just be. You can do that with me. I won’t tell.”

Newton turned his head and regarded those eyes with a sense of wonder he’d not felt since he’d first been activated in his father’s home.  He smiled and reached up to run his fingers through Hermann’s stupid haircut. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Of course,” Hermann mused, looking unconvinced and soft.

Newt matched the smile and sighed.  Then he looked back up and pulled the widest smirk he could.  “So, unrelated, but when the _hell_ were you gonna let me know you had a tongue that skilled, huh?”

Hermann’s face bloomed red.  “I-I _beg_ your pardon-”

“Naah, you know exactly what I mean, you can’t fool me.” Newt shimmied forward until their hips were pressed close.  “I don’t think you understand, I had a spiritual awakening, dude, I saw stars!”

Hermann laughed and covered his face.  “Oh stop, it wasn’t nearly that big of a deal.”

“Are you kidding!?  I know the secrets of the universe, Hermann!  I am enlightened, my crops are flourishing!”

“ _Newt!_ ”

“My skin is clear!”

When Hermann lurched forward and caught Newt’s lips with his own, Newt didn’t have it in him to be even remotely offended that it’s main purpose was to shut him up.  As usual, Hermann just could not take compliments to save his life. But honestly, if this was the way Hermann planned to shut him up, Newt would flatter him until his battery shorted out.

And who knew how long that would be?

~


End file.
